


Through the Night

by danielayaman



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Barebacking, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Minor Kim Jongdae | Chen/Oh Sehun, Mpreg, Slut Shaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danielayaman/pseuds/danielayaman
Summary: “Are you coming here full intended to fuck, huh?” kicked Jongdae, just because (Baekhyun groaned again and scream ‘abuseeer’), “yes, I didn’t go to the office today, and no, I’m not sick, worse, I’m pregnant now!”Dead silence drop instantly into Jongdae’s living room. Even Baekhyun’s groan and noisy whine stopped.“What”“What?”
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 14
Kudos: 123





	Through the Night

The things that Jongdae will admit was a flaw from his personality is, he’s quite forgetful, especially if he rushed on things like an example: stress from his work. Usually his rational mind will take over by the rushes and adrenaline change that hinder its capability to make logical decision and makes him into a forgetful person. Like if his working deadline is near, he’ll forget that he made an appointment with his friends, forget that he should laundry his clothes, forgot to take meals three times a day, and especially during the experience of other activity that involves pleasure and high-adrenaline rush as well, he forgot to take his birth control regularly.

Okay, the things with the birth control is fair enough because logically, everyone, could pregnant and it’s only a good precautions that he need to take because the risk on male pregnancy has significantly lower percentage than female pregnancy even though you’re the receiver during sex and have sex regularly on daily basis. One pill for one week is good enough to prevent any unwanted male pregnancy. Only, since his meeting with his sex partner slash fuck buddies slash best friend has been quite intense as of late and so his stress on work during the day, he can’t help that refilling his birth control pills have been slipped from his mind.

Missed to drink one pill in one full cycle week seems like a convenience formula to have a baby instantly. Too bad Jongdae doesn’t realize this sooner though.

It came crashing down at him one night after he done doing the dirty deed with his sex partner/fuck buddy/best friend who sleep behind him with their arms circle loosely around Jongdae’s slim waist. When he lies on his side body and staring too much to the poor wall in front of him, with his back against his fuck buddy’s bare chest, this said person just mumbled _‘baby’_ to his ear innocently and as if on cue, Jongdae opened his eyes from his lazy slumber and his instinct ready to flew himself off from building.

“What the…” Jongdae side glance his best friend over his shoulder and found the said man smile and seems like mumble stupidly in his sleep. With closed eyes. So he’s been sleep talking. Only the word that caught Jongdae’s attention was ‘ _baby_ ’ and he is getting paler when he can’t remember the last time he consume the sacred pills. _Last week? Yesterday? Three days ago? God, is it two weeks?_

Jongdae sat up instantly and his best friend's hand flew off from his waist and proceeds to hit the head board with a loud _thud_ and groan followed automatically.

Jongdae kick Baekhyun aside, _just because_ and crawled frantically from his position that caged by Baekhyun’s body into corner of Baekhyun’s bed to out from the position as fast as possible. He ignores the dried cum that slides down his thighs when he tried to stand up and ignore the painfully uncomfortable sore in his hips, inner thighs and ass simultaneously. He couldn’t even care less even if when he stands up and checked his phone that charge in Baekhyun’s work desk and from Baekhyun’s point of view, he can see the sort of proof of their activity hours ago still slides down slowly from Jongdae’s asshole. Even if Baekhyun weak whistling at him and asked, ‘ _are we going for another round? On my desk?’_

“Shut up, Baek,” responds Jongdae in reflect, he hurries to check his calendar app and almost all the colour in his face and hope that he stored in his mind, gone completely.

Jongdae always take note on his calendar app whenever he took his goddamn pill and since he will always doing it right after he consumed the pills, it’s nearly impossible to miss the chance to take notes. And the last date he took his pill stated was a month ago. Jongdae put his phone down while cursing a little and pick his briefcase (which also place on top of Baekhyun’s desk) and drop down its inside on top of Baekhyun’s desk. He finds the bottle instantly and feel dizzy instantly that the bottle awfully too light for his liking and when he checked it’s inside, it’s empty. He cursed again now loudly.

“Ngg… Dae?” calls Baekhyun somehow from the bed, “Hmm, what is… going on? Am I missing something?”

Jongdae turns to see Baekhyun angrily. Baekhyun flinched under his glare and frown, his eyes still unfocus and even if Baekhyun already starts gym regularly from years ago, he still can’t believe it that this _Baekhyun_ , could be potentially father of his soon to be child/baby. Assuming the worst happened. Screw Baekhyun and his persistence to _always need_ to cum inside Jongdae. Just screw him.

“Nothing, go back to sleep, Byun,” answers Jongdae and turn his head back again to glare at the empty bottle. He never felt the need to throw up all the time, so he persistently think, there’s still a chance.

“Well, come back to bed then,” whine Baekhyun, a literal whine then breaks into yawn loudly, “it’s cold, God, you’re even standing there naked, don’t you feel cold?” Baekhyun makes show and sound of his gritted teeth in exaggerated gesture.

Jongdae already done having his break down internally and make his way back to bed when Baekhyun welcome him with toss the blanket to side and eventually show part of naked body which was pretty much in there, and gesturing for Jongdae to come into his wide open embrace—Jongdae couldn’t even sure if that’s thing allowed between sex-partner slash fuck-buddy—but he resigned and settle inside Baekhyun’s embrace anyway. It doesn't feel warm because he still has his mind occupied of something else that makes his spine shivered but maybe dopey looked that Baekhyun bring to him helps ease his mind a little. Only a little.

“Night,” Jongdae closes his eyes when Baekhyun give him sloppy kiss on his forehead. He forced himself to think that whatever things that happened right now is dream and attempt to run from his problem with sleep.

Well, attempt is the key words here.

Hours later, as he jinx it, Jongdae wake up with the worst nausea that he ever felt and run to heave the inside of his stomach out in Baekhyun’s toilet bowl. Baekhyun still sleeping soundly. After Jongdae sure nothing will come out again, he immediately takes a shower, get dressed and go home, not even care enough to wake Baekhyun up for that since there are more important matters he needs to take care of, you know, like bought three test pack on his way home to his apartment, he’s lucky today is Saturday, so if the worst thing happened he can cry himself to sleep and if it’s not, he can break his saving throwing the best party ever to celebrate his not pregnant self. Either way, it’s good and convenient.

But Jongdae’s luck only fall for the first one apparently, because he found out that he’s pregnant and its cue for him to get as much depressed as he can. Like literally. Because three positive signs from three different test pack all smile back at him as if they mocked him and one thing that he could only proceeds that he _is_ pregnant, with his best friend, who has relationship-phobia, loud-mouthed, gaming maniac, who’s not even he date at this moment.

They simply fuck because they both enjoy sex and doing it with your best friend at that time—the time when they first fucking each other—seems like not a bad idea. And if their fucking turns out bad they could just laugh it off and forget, but turns out it’s one of the best fuck Jongdae ever feel so he’s not ashame to find out that they keep repeating their activity. Only now, he concerned. Him? Having a child? With Baekhyun as the father?

Jongdae screams.

***

“Wait, hold on, hold on a fucking second,” says Chanyeol, with pleading tone, “you and Baek had been fucking? All this time? And now you pregnant? With his child?”

“Chanyeol, we have more serious matter here,” retort Jongdae, “I… I’m so dumb, I forgot to take pills for so long—”

“You guys really really _really_ fucking? How am I only know about this now?!” cut Chanyeol, disbelieving coloured his statement “And here I am telling you everything about me and Kyungsoo!”

“What—?” Jongdae frowns, “Kyungsoo is your lover, I don’t mind you telling me about him,”

“That’s not what I mean, I tell you and _Baekhyun_ how I progress into lovers with him, and both of you never speak a word that you guys somehow become lovers—”

“Hold on, _captain_ ,” Jongdae frowns deeper, “me and Baek are not lovers…”

“Yeah, _him_ is right now in front of you guys faces, thank you very much,” says monotonous tone coming to Chanyeol and Jongdae table in a fancy cafe where Kyungsoo own it. Well, it belongs to Kyungsoo’s parent but he runs everything in it, so yeah, co-own probably, “are you implying that you and Baek is… friends with benefits?”

Jongdae stares at the two wide eyes that stare at him back now with Chanyeol in reflect pick his _churros_ from his _dessert platter_ silently agreeing with what his lover said just now. Jongdae sighed.

“Well, if you want to put it simply…” Jongdae says slowly, very slowly, he sips his hot milk tea first, put it back to their table and readying his mind to explain what Baek and him did behind their best friend back, in this case, Chanyeol.

“Listen, this thing, the thing that Baek and I have only run more like… in two? Or three months I think? It’s really not that long, short even, and it’s nothing because of my break up, I swear, it's just that we found it convenient, I can de-stress from my jobs, he said he doesn’t have to rent a hotel, so yeah, it benefitted both of us, that’s how we ended up doing it,” exlpains Jongdae, scratch his hair a little, sign for his nervous tick, he can’t help feeling like he just scolded by his parents, and both of them are not even older than Jongdae, “and my job currently at its peak of being very stressful, there’s two deadline simultaneously in one month and I… happen to slipped not bought birth control’s bottle for precautions…”

Jongdae feels embarrassing himself to explain this, but he had been so panicked that he called them both in panic and demand to meet instantly because he is _that_ panic.

“Come on guys, I need… input, here?” try Jongdae after his explanation meet with silence.

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo give him a silent judgement. Kyungsoo though, being a person who has the most brain cells, clears his throat and hopefully start to tell him something _useful_.

“I never really that expert in this you know… whole pregnancy department, but isn’t it better that you meet the doctor first to confirm it rather than talk it…” Kyungsoo gestures between he and Chanyeol, “...to us?”

_That was actually something useful._ Was what Jongdae thought.

“And…” Chanyeol seems unsure at first but with quite focusing expression he had in his face, he seems like just decided to sound his mind anyway, “if the other parent is really Baekhyun, don’t you think he deserves to know first rather than… again, us?”

That was a lot to take in before the realization slowly drown in Jongdae’s mind. Well, first, again, as he never tired to remind everyone and himself, Baekhyun and he are not lovers. Boyfriends, partners, or anything that involve romance in between. It’s purely platonic relationship and maybe a little bit—okay, probably more of physical involvement between the sheets. Something that Jongdae and Baekhyun likes to decides on their whim, just because they are sometimes impulsive (most of the time actually), likes to make least most illogical activity just out of boredom, but yeah, the physical relationship that they had simply initiate between them because Jongdae is horny and lonely and Baekhyun just horny all the time.

So fucking once, become twice, thrice until it last couple of months and Jongdae will drop off to Baekhyun apartment unannounce to relase the steam and because—maybe because he never know that Baekhyun could fuck him _hard_ like that. And their body seems compatible, what is more Jongdae could asked?

Now though, with kids or babies or offspring—Jongdae could never really sure—in between their physical relationship, Jongdae asking himself, was it really a good decision for Jongdae and Baekhyun to sleep with each other in the first place? And especially… with himself to not quite sure how to accept this event if he’s really indeed positive.

Jongdae sighed. “Yeah, you guys are right, but I… don’t find myself comfortable enough to talk about this right away with.. Him,” says Jongdae, settle on very unsettling tone, “it just… part of this I feel because of my fault and I think it’s unfair if he drag himself with me—”

“Hey, hey, Dae,” interrupts Kyungsoo, his tone is gentle, “everyone knows how everyone makes baby, and it’s really unfair of you to think like that and beat yourself up like that, who knows maybe you guys could start it off as a couple first,”

Jongdae cough a little on Kyungsoo’s suggestion. Okay, _that_ was quite a suggestion.

“Me? And Baek? Yeah, Soo, as having kid with your sex partner is not awkward enough and try to have real relationship with the said partner only double the awkwardness,”

“What?” asks Chanyeol suddenly, “why is awkward? Don’t you—ARGH”

Even Jongdae flinched at how Kyungsoo elbowed Chanyeol right in front of his nose. That _jab_ looks hurt.

“Don’t I, what Yeol?” continue Jongdae anyway.

“For the time being, Chanyeol will shut up for good,” was the answer that Jongdae got from the couple (Kyungsoo to be precise) in front of him. They seem exchanging heated glare, again right in front of Jongdae’s face.

“Did you guys hide something from me?” said Jongdae, this is getting him quite suspicious, “or you guys secretly hiding a child from me? So maybe by the time my kid born he at least already have friend..”

Even his attempt to joke heard lame in his own ears. Kyungsoo doesn’t even hide his pity looks on Jongdae. 

“Just… go to the doctor and try to talk it out with Baek, okay?” sighs Chanyeol, his hand still rubs the part of his body that elbowed by Kyungsoo, “I’m sure he will… ehm… perfectly accomodating”

Kyungsoo nods eagerly, even with the pity looks still intact in his eyes. Jongdae cups his both hands around the still warm mug and sighed for the nth time that day alone.

***

“Hello, good evening, are you Kim Jongdae-ssi?” said kind lady-face who seems like in her forties. She brought a map with her and she looks laid back with a bright smile from her.

Jongdae straighten his body immediately. He still sat on the examination table alone and also with hospital gown around his body. He feels weirdly expose.

“Yes, I’m here doctor,” response Jongdae, smile a little.

“Okay, I’ve got your results from labs, I just want to confirm, have you been experienced severe nausea these days?” asked the doctor again, her voice sound pleasant and gentle.

Jongdae played with the fabric in his hospital gown. “Ehm, I’m not sure, but two days ago I think I felt it and threw up, but that’s all, on Sunday and today, I don’t feel really nauseating,”

The doctor nods absentmindedly and clearly noted his answer on her board. After she was done, she looked up and Jongdae, smile, “May I?”

Jongdae feels dumbfounded at first until he realized the doctor asked for him to lie on the table and Jongdae obeys. The doctor put her stethoscope to his chest first and put it later on his stomach. Jongdae feels little bit disoriented when he looked at his doctor’s room ceiling and bright neon lights that intact on it.

“Jongdae-ssi?” calls his doctor.

“Yes?” Jongdae response immediately. He really need distraction while digesting all of this alone.

“I may perform an ultrasound to you, to know more about your condition, will it be okay?” asks her.

“Oh yeah, pretty much, do whatever you want doc,” says Jongdae easily.

The doctor chuckles and soon Jongdae feel the nurse come closer to her and bring the ultrasound machine to the examination table. Jongdae hums because he finally feels relax.

“Where’s the other parent, Jongdae-ssi if I may ask?”

Jongdae hums dying in his throat. _Damn_ , he totally forgot the other parent exists.

“Ah, he occupied right now, so yeah, I’m here alone now,”

“I hope we can see you two together in the future,”

Jongdae focus to look at the annoying bright neon lights again. “Yeah doc, I hope so,”

Soon after the ultrasound also complete and Jongdae finally have some liberty to cover more of his body, change from his hospital gown in a rush and immediately have his work suit instantly in him. He came to talk face to face with the doctor in her table and find himself getting another a lot of explanation again dump to his brain.

“I think we could say that you have quite a volatile uterus, Jongdae-ssi, no, it’s not dangerous but it comes with demand of a very delicate treatment, for now, you definitely positive,” explains his doctor carefully “and I really suggest you to have more and more time to relax, since hormonal changes in your body will quite extreme, so I’m afraid your body will react on certain effect depends on how extreme the changes is,”

Jongdae blinked. Apparently he just not pregnant but his pregnancy also quite a double effort.

“Ehm, doc… when you say my body will react on certain effect… could you please elaborate more?”

The doctor nods. “I was getting in there actually, the normal body reaction from pregnancy symptoms usually involves nausea, dizziness, craving and so on, only you may or may not suffer all of those, but also could be impact on your mental health or physical health, the hormonal changes could make you have mood swings, and when your emotions too down or your body too tired, it could add stress to embryo and so it would… leads a high risk of miscarriage to your unborn child,”

Jongdae feels all of the colour leaving his face for good.

And apparently the doctor is not finished yet. “I believe the degree of nausea and dizziness that you will have will be in minimum level but the emotions that affect your mental health will be quite delicate, so I believe you will need more and more comfortable environment that your partner could give, such a loving condition and helps for doing chores on a daily basis,”

Jongdae wants to laugh when he heard _loving condition_ coming from his doctor mouth. Yeah, like hell he could get it.

His doctor continue to explained more carefully to his pregnancy status, more from the risk, the side effects, the mentality that Jongdae will face in the future during the pregnancy, the obstacle and also many things that he needs to avoid to make sure his baby healthiness, Jongdae again cursing himself because now he can’t just drink his pregnancy away.

“Just want to make sure, Jongdae-ssi, if you really want to commit with your pregnancy here, I strongly suggest to relax yourself more and try to not carry all the burdens by yourself, okay Jongdae-ssi?” asked his doctor patiently, she still looks kind and gentle, but Jongdae feels the undertone of her warning quite clear in the air. “You can always change your mind, Jongdae-sii, but yeah, before I forgot… here it is…”

Jongdae stunned to see the picture that his doctor pass to him on the table. It’s his baby first ultrasound.

Jongdae looked at it in _awe_ and called him bias, reckless or anything but the answer to his doctor’s question is clear.

“I’ll commit, doctor. I will.. And yes… I’ll try to do everything that you’ve asked,” answers Jongdae with glassy eyes looking at his baby ultrasound. It was only looks as mass still, but damn Jongdae already feels like he will ready to die for this baby. _His_ baby.

The trance that his mind had broken when his phone vibrate signaling incoming call, from Baekhyun and Jongdae want to laugh himself because for a moment, he forgot he shares part of baby with Baekhyun.

***

The sound bell ringing from his front door repeatedly feels like a siren sound to Jongdae. It’s not that he tried to avoid Baekhyun—just low key, he just need more time to construct solid plan in his head, calculating several scenario, including scenario when—well, if Baekhyun not on board to have this child, because as much as Jongdae never really prepare to have a child, especially in his current state and he is the one who bear it, he will never abort his own baby. And he still need to tell his parent directly about this, his brother, announcing to his office, because _fuck_ work load, his unborn child far way important that their sales target. So yeah, he really not avoiding Baekhyun, because while he’s not answering Baekhyun calls, messages and chat on their social media, Jongdae just busying himself to form proper plan to get his pregnancy safely until his due date.

Jongdae sighed when Baekhyun just not ring his doorbell repeatedly, he also called Jongdae’s phone and Jongdae could bet all of his savings that Baekhyun must be pressed his ear to his front door to inspect whether Jongdae is in his apartment or not. Creep. _And he will be a father to my child_?! Jongdae find himself internally screaming more often in his pregnancy.

“Baek, stop this stalkerish attitude,” was what Jongdae said the moment he opened his front door. And well, Baekhyun stumble on his feet and have to hold on his doorway to balance himself in order not crushing to Jongdae signaling that his suspicion indeed true “what do you want?”

Baekhyun dare to give him a sheepish smile and smirk afterwards. “You just called this stalker’s dick _God_ not too long ago and why are you not answering your phone?”

Jongdae rolled his eyes instead answering Baekhyun and step aside to let Baekhyun in. He still in his work clothes, complete with the coat and tie still tight around his neck. Baekhyun comes in and put his briefcase on top of Jongdae’s coffee table. Usually on Monday, Jongdae would worked himself to death, but nope, after he heard his doctor explanation, he change his mind and call his boss sick for today, at least to ease his mind first. And Baekhyun must realize it because after he took a seat on Jongdae’s couch, he looked at Jongdae from top to toe as the realization slowly drown in him.

“Did you… sick or something?” asks Baekhyun hesitantly “you’re not going to work today, are you?”

“Well…” Jongdae opts to give him a vague answer, he turned on his heels and walks to his kitchen, choose to prepare tea in his mug, and hot coffee for Baekhyun. Only when he put the two warm mugs on his coffee table that he dared to examine Baekhyun expression carefully before dropping some bombs.

Baekhyun looked back to him curiously, brows furrowed and he looks concerns. Jongdae sit beside him on the couch and seemingly unsatisfied with the distance between them, Baekhyun tugs on his sleeve impatiently.

“Hey, come’re” said him, and Jongdae like a fool he is, obeys and soon with his knees folded to his chest, he leans heavily on Baekhyun with his head on Baekhyun shoulder. He could feel Baekhyun bury his nose on Jongdae’s hair, his right arm already hold Jongdae shoulder tightly as it’s the right place where it should belong.

Jongdae turn his head a little to face Baekhyun when he saw Baekhyun leans his face close to Jongdae and kissed him square in his mouth. Jongdae closed his eyes in instinct and let himself swoon by Baekhyun kissing him. He never realize how tense his shoulder is from the past days and how a mere touch from Baekhyun relax his body… and mind. He could almost forget the _current_ matter in his hands and how Baekhyun’s hand squeezed his shoulder gently definitely make himself relax more. He is so used by now with Baekhyun touching his body that he didn’t even spare any thoughts on how Baekhyun other hand sneak inside his sweater and brush his nipple slowly only for Baekhyun to pinch it hard at the same time he deepened his kiss when Jongdae in reflect gasp and let his mouth parted then Baekhyun’s tongue welcome himself into it. Baekhyun came to full intent to fuck apparently. Which well… not an option right now, ``at least not now.

“Baek… Baek—” tried Jongdae, his hand circled Baekhyun’s wrist now try to release his nipple from Baekhyun’s hand and his other hand try to push Baekhyun’s body from his.

Baekhyun still try to suck the life out from Jongdae by sucking his tongue hard. And bite, fuck, Jongdae moaned.

“Baek… stop—ah,” Jongdae’s eyes snapped open and he never notice since when he had been pulled to sit on Baekhyun’s lap, now with Baekhyun’s hand slides down to the front side of his sweat pants and squeeze Jongdae’s clothed dick.

Jongdae’s breath getting harder and he fought hard not to grind into Baekhyun’s things, to get friction for his clothed ass as well, before he remembered that he needed to tell this asshole something. With the fruitless action from his left hand to stop Baekhyun’s hand from assaulting Jongdae poor bud (who now try to work his way to the other bud), Jongdae used his hand for much better purposes. He elbowed Baekhyun’s ribs with his left hand. Hard.

“Fuck!” Baekhyun’s eyes snapped open and all of his sexual ministration stop abruptly followed by his pathetic cough and groaned.

“God, Dae what was that for?” whined Baekhyun behind him, now completely release Jongdae from his hold with Jongdae pulled his sweater down (who has been forced to slides upwards) to cover his body and quickly fix his sweatpants. He’s pretty much already aroused, but that could wait.

“Are you coming here full intended to fuck, huh?” kicked Jongdae, _just because_ (Baekhyun groaned again and scream ‘ _abuseeer’_ ), “yes, I didn’t go to the office today, and no, I’m not sick, worse, I’m pregnant now!”

Dead silence drop instantly into Jongdae’s living room. Even Baekhyun’s groan and noisy whine stopped.

“What”

“What?”

Part of Jongdae regretting the way how he dropped the news to Baekhyun, another part of him wished this is just so _him_ to drop the news bluntly without any warning or prolog prior his news.

On the other hand, Baekhyun sprang from his fetal position (what an irony) and try to look Jongdae’s face with wide eyes now. As wide as his small eyes let him be.

“You’re… what?” asked Baekhyun slowly, “what what _what_? You’re kidding right?”

Jongdae snorts and rolls his eyes, why he tends to do it simultaneously now with other action, Jongdae could never understand why.

“Stop right there, now if you for once keep your dick in your pants, I tell you…” Jongdae push himself from Baekhyun’s lap and took a seat at the end of his couch then turn his body and cross his legs when he inhale exhale to prepare himself to tell Baekhyun.

Only when Baekhyun also turn himself completely to face Jongdae that Jongdae launch his story completely. “So yeah… I’m… well, I’m pregnant, I go to the doctor this morning, she confirms it, tell me stuff and yeah, it’s okay if you don’t want it,”

That was _far_ from what Jongdae plan to tell to Baekhyun, but well, he considers if Baekhyun gave his answer right now whether he wants the baby or not and turns out he’s not want it, he’s pretty much safe his breath from telling him stuff that he won’t really care in the future.

Baekhyun looks genuinely hurt in second and back to his serious face again in a blink of an eye. Jongdae has to reassure himself that whatever things that he saw just now in Baekhyun’s expression is completely misplaced and out of character.

“What do you mean that, _it’s okay if I don’t want it_?” asked Baekhyun instead.

Jongdae avoid Baekhyun’s eyes. “Well, for starters, we’re not lovers, so this child responsibility couldn’t be held together since we have no bond that binds us together, and yeah, pretty much because this is my fault? I forgot to refill my birth control—”

“Dae, _I_ put that baby inside you,” cut Baekhyun, now Jongdae pretty much avoid Baekhyun eyes because he could feel it bore a hole somewhere in Jongdae face from the sentence alone, “as much as you think this is your fault, it’s no one and I could just put a condom but decide to not put it anyway,”

Jongdae initially feel his face flushed instantly.

“And what makes you think that the child responsibility should separate just because we’re not dating? Unless…” Baekhyun trailed, his eyes narrowed and tone guarded, “....I’m not the father? That you sleep with someone else as well,”

That makes Jongdae turn his head and face Baekhyun. “What bullshit are you talking about?”

“I take that as no then,” says Baekhun shrugs his shoulders, he locks eyes with Jongdae, move slowly to where Jongdae sit with his knee still folded and his both hands circle it, “hey, what are you taking me for? Do you think I’ll run from my own child?”

Jongdae looked at him bewilderedly.

“Baek… as long as I can remember, your future retirement plan is involving young caretaker to your old hag and have your home far from the city where you can fill the house by yourself and give pocket money to any sugar baby who’s willing,” said Jongdae, laugh even if there's nothing that he can laugh about, “I’m not, I never judge you, you know that, but you admit it yourself having kids, settle down, grow old together is too far-fetched kind of life that you never really wish for,”

“So, that’s what makes you think I’m not going to be responsible for the baby?” retort Baekhyun, his shoulder tense and his eyes narrowed accusingly to Jongdae, he could feel it.

“I’m not… Okay, maybe I’m just bad at explaining it, but I don’t think that you won’t be responsible for the baby because of that, I’m simply doesn’t want to make you to feel _the need_ to be responsible for the baby because you force into it, since you’re not looking to have a baby in the future—I know that it can change, but I simply doesn’t want you to force yourself into this, I just don't want you to regret because of what is happening right now clearly not part of anyone’s plan,” countered Jongdae, he feels the dizziness coming, _God_ _is this what his doctor warns him about_? “And more importantly, I also still processing all of this by myself as well, I’m… I’m just—this also never part of my plans,”

Jongdae rubs his eyes roughly with the heel of his hands and groaned. _God,_ it was only Monday.

“Hey, hey Dae,” called Baekhyun, his tone hit differently than the tone he used before to speak to Jongdae, “come here,”

“I’m not in the mood to fuck, Baek,”

“What? No, you wound me, it’s not that, come here,” Baekhyun pats the place on his lap eagerly.

Jongdae who now pretty much have zero expectations of how the events will turn, rolls his eyes before he moves slowly and straddle Baekhyun’s lap. Only when he places both of his hands safely on Baekhyun’s shoulder he dare to look directly to Baekhyun’s eyes. Baekhyun’s hand securely circling his waist, as if trying to keep him grounded and safe.

“I did, I did said that, but do you think… do you think I’ll let you hold everything by yourself? I might not want any child from anyone, _ever_ , but well... “ Baekhyun looked him straight to his eyes, his eyes bright and spoke for something that Jongdae for the first time couldn’t really decipher about, “but you’re my best friend, okay, this might quite a lot to take on, but I’m not going to abandon you, not now with the fact that you who is having my child,”

Baekhyun spoke with full of sincerity that Jongdae couldn’t help feel touched and sad at the same time.

_What about his future lover?_ _What if one day he wants to have a relationship with someone that he truly care about?_ Was impossible to not pass through Jongdae’s mind when he still gazed at Baekhyun’s eyes. At least there’s no hostile aura left on Baekhyun again.

“This is the part where you should say that you realize you love me for a long time and kiss me senseless you know,” said Byun Baekhyun and whatever thoughts that in Jongdae’s mind just vanish instantly.

Jongdae sighed but Baekhyun’s smile and assurance calm his heart beat and all of the tension from the almost fight he has with Baekhyun just now also vanish. He might not saying he loves Baekhyun, but he did kiss Baekhyun. Senseless, he drags his hand to Baekhyun’s hair and pull it softly but firm and the other hand goes to his cheeks, stroking the soft skin beneath it. He bite the bottom lip full of intent and Baekhyun dropped his hands from Jongdae’s waist to squeeze on Jongdae clothed ass cheeks. Baekhyun also squeeze it hard full with intents.

“So, what the doctor said with the vigorous activity? Is cowboy position allowed?” grinns Baekhyun answered with slapped from Jongdae to his shoulder. Another way to ruin a moment again.

But Baekhyun has his way to make Jongdae pliant and give in to his request, apparently. Jongdae at least admit that. After his talked resolve in a pleasant way that Jongdae never really think will be part of even his best scenario _,_ he found himself eat take out as dinner like usual with Baekhyun, who is running commentary here and there about a drama that currently running in one of their local cable and slowly when Jongdae discarded all of their trash, Baekhyun take his shower first in Joongdae’s bathroom, and soon Jongdae followed after Baekhyun finish his shower. Jongdae found himself kissed before he has a chance to get dressed, right after he entered his bedroom—with only a towel around his waist—cornered and find himself have to lean on his bedroom door with Baekhyun kneeled in front of him and suck Jongdae’s dick like he was born for it. Jongdae reach his belly on instinct with his left hand and his right hand closed his mouth.

Jongdae have no idea what is happening anymore, because between the hard sucking and lewd sound coming from Baekhyun evil mouth on his dick, Baekhyun manage slip two fingers inside him and Jongdae moaned is just getting more and more embarrassing even to his own standard. Baekhyun is three fingers deep inside him and thrust his prostate expertly when Jongdae arched his back to lean into Baekhyun and came into Baekhyun’s mouth. He barely manage could stand if it’s not because of Baekhyun put one of his leg on top of Baekhyun’s shoulder.

With the blissful look still strong intact in his expression, Baekhyun who now already retreat his fingers from Jongdae entrance, drag Jongdae on his hands to his bed and lie on his back when he guide Jongdae’s hole to his very erect cock.

Both Jongdae and Baekhyun moan when the cock slide smoothly and the oversensitivity spread rapidly through Jongdae’s body. Jongdae specifically, usually hates this position but when he looked down at Baekhyun, who have eyes never leave Jongdae for once, with another fiery expression that he never realize Baekhyun have when they fucking, for the frist time never really wants to complain about that anymore.

“Baek…”

“Nggh…” Baekhyun already starts to thrust his hips up into Jongdae, eyes still focused on Jongdae.

“Your... eyes…” Jongdae cut his own speaking courtesy of Baekhyun hit his prostate and he moaned shamelessly.

Baekhyun grunts signaling him that he is listening anyway.

“...eyes… your eyes is... different...,” Jongdae managed but he can’t manage to look at Baekhyun more since the thrust becomes faster, harder and more precise to his prostate that makes him fall into Baekhyun’s bare chest. Jongdae feels Baekhyun’s hand on his ass cheeks tighter, squeezing it hard and probably will leave a bruise on it later.

“Is this… okay, right?”

“Slow… slower Byun…” Jongdae managed another breathy sound. Baekhyun fucking still not as hard as their usual fucking, but he doesn’t want to take any risk. Their argument before indeed makes him a little dizzy.

Baekhyun chuckled, “on it, baby,”

The _pet name_ also make Jongdae more dizzy, apparently.

Baekhyun comes not long after that. Jongdae couldn’t look to what kind of expression he had in his face but he surely feels the comfort rubs that Baekhyun did to his back during his groan. Somehow, Jongdae feels even more exhausted than usual. He let himself be manhandled by Baekhyun when he put Jongdae under him then Baekhyun slowly pulling out from his leaked entrance, as usual, no condom. Jongdae could only wince a little before lie sprawly on top of his own bed. He never even realize Baekhyun left him to fetch some wet cloth to wipe him clean. He just tired.

“Hey,”

Jongdae hums. The asshole didn’t even put any clothes on him, only drape his hand to Jongdae’s waist and blanket to cover them both.

“We can do it you know,”

“Do what?”

“Dating….” Jongdae heard Baekhyun cleared his throat, “if you… if you want,”

Jongdae turn his head to look at Baekhyun, who apparently still try to bore a hole from his eyes—judged by how hard he looked at Jongdae.

“Stop talking nonsense, Baek,” says Jongdae, he broke into yawn “I just said that I don’t want you to force yourself into anything isn’t it? And...” Jongdae give up and yawn loudly again, he just does one round for sex but he feels like he just did ten laps of running, “...and we don’t even love each other,”

And Jongdae just falls asleep like that. His body lies on his side, face snuggling closer to Baekhyun’s side without he realize it and completely miss the flash of hurt in Baekhyun’s eyes.

***

Pregnancy surprisingly so far, judge by Jongdae, has been quite good so far him. He drags his boss the moment he goes to his office again. He might be purposefully force his boss to cut his working hours less than he usually gets.

He booked an appointment to his last OBGYN doctor and at least booked to have a meeting with a perinatologist—at least he tries to meet them once, noted Jongdae internally. He already scheduled another two ultrasound as well. He took care of his mood and his diet, not so keen into greasy food, for now, another one trial yoga session later for him and on top of everything, he literally surprise that Baekhyun—in fact, just like what Chanyeol ever mentioned it, quite accommodating of his issue. He might not always around, but he came to Jongdae apartment now more often than not. He pester Jongdae about whether the baby already kicked or not ( _like, helloo? How the hell Jongdae supposed to know about it_ ), also likes to drape himself now so much on Jongdae and purposefully or not slide his arm around Jongdae’s middle too much for his liking.

Not…. that Jongdae would complain about it but, out of everything that Jongdae ever expect for Baekhyun’s reaction of his pregnancy, he surely never thought about this. Only, one thing that Jongdae thought as a disadvantage of this pregnancy is, he is sooo sleepy every day or whenever he opened his eyes. His doctor right when his body react more to his hormonal change is more into tiredness and fatigue rather than nausea. He didn’t throw up as much as people like to claim in the internet, only twice a week, but other than that he’s so tired all the time. His body might become more laid back, sluggish on the movement and a lot of taking out now usually sent out to his apartment more than home-cooked meals, since Jongdae prefer to cook before his pregnancy but now after the pregnancy, he can’t help but feel very tired that one time after he cooks his dinner when he came home from his work.

Oh did Jongdae tell he is now sleeping too much for his liking? Just like now, he is currently nap in his lovely couch if not because of horrendous bell sound coming from his front door.

“I swear to God, I won’t die just because you don’t visit me for one day, Baek,” grumbles Jongdae when he opened the front door and just as he expected, his best friend since he still in diapers looked back at him with shine of excitement clear in his eyes. He grinned so wide that Jongdae possibly sure it’ll break his cheeks one day.

“Ow, I miss you too, Dae,” shot Baekhyun instead, letting himself into Jongdae’s apartment just like he owned the place, “has the baby kick yet? Has he?”

Jongdae didn’t even finish to close his front door completely when Baekhyun latched to himself like a leech and sneak his hands inside Jongdae black shirt. Jongdae sighed.

“Come on, I can’t walk,” mumbles Jongdae, “why don’t you come to the doctor with me tomorrow so you can ask her yourself when is the right time that baby will kick?”

The resemblance of Baekhyun to the excited puppy never really clear for Jongdae until he saw the expression immediately after Jongdae finish his invitation.

“You do? You’ll let me come?” asks Baekhyun, but his voice thick with hope.

Jongdae laugh until he snuggles safely to his couch’s armrest. Who he happens to make a nest in it by stuff various kinds of his pillow couch on it. Jongdae smile a little when he heard the question from Baekhyun, his lips curled to his signature smile kitten face—he knows it, thank you very much.

“Of course you can, I made Janeun with you anyway,” answered Jongdae, chuckled a little.

Baekhyun eyes widened. He sat in front of Jongdae, on the floor but keep his face firmly close to Jongdae sleeping position on the couch. “Janeun?”

“Ah, it slipped my mind, I call this baby Janeun because he always made me sleepy,” explains Jongdae, his eyes averted themselves from looking at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun laugh good-heartedly. “But is that normal though?”

Baekhyun looked at Jongdae with eyes that strong resemblance to puppy and put his chin on top of his forearms. They looked at each other for a few seconds and Jongdae feels heat started to creep on both of his cheeks.

“What do you mean?”

“To always feel sleepy, usually, you’re not this quick to sleep, but it’s not even 9 PM yet but you already flat on your couch,” asks Baekhyun, elaborate more of his question.

Jongdae hums. Well, he hasn't really explained to Baekhyun further more about his pregnancy condition. His _high risk_ of miscarriage and well _the volatile_ uterus.

“It’s okay, it’s normal, I’ve been told that my body will have different reaction when my hormone change and one of the side effects that I will feel tired and sore more than usual, sometimes it just so tired that I can’t even feel my feet…” trails Jongdae, opted to snuggle more to his pillow couch, closing his eyes in the process. The air conditioner in his apartment also makes him feels colder than usual, and it’s not helping especially now they almost reach the end of September. Autumn air almost freeze Jongdae when he walked home from his office and he can’t even imagine what Winter would do to him.

Jongdae only realize he dozed off when he feels Baekhyun’s face comes in contact to his still flat stomach. He could feel how Baekhyun’s hand come in contact and brush the skin tenderly. He doesn’t know why Baekhyun did it but he also heard a faint murmuring sound coming from Baekhyun to… his stomach. Did Baekhyun talk to his stomach? Jongdae feels his cheeks reddened again for the second time that day when he realizes Baekhyun try to speak with the baby who is _inside_ his stomach.

“Byun….” calls Jongdae immediately burst whatever bubble that Baekhyun has just now.

Baekhyun snap himself so hard and turn his head hastily to face Jongdae and Jongdae sure one day it’ll break his neck as well.

“I thought you were asleep!” shouts Baekhyun in surprise, attempt to defend whatever things that he did just now. Well, it's not Jongdae accuse him to do anything yet, anyway.

Jongdae chuckled and optioned to stretch his hands to reach his wallet that place on top of his coffee table. He reaches inside and pulls a neat picture of his last ultrasound. Baekhyun seems confused for second until his eyes widened when Jongdae gave the picture to him.

“Is this…”

“Yeah, forget to give you yesterday, that’s Janeun ultrasound,”

Baekhyun dead to silence after that. His head looked down to the now picture in his hands. Not that Jongdae do it purposely to not give Baekhyun the picture, but he honestly never know whether it’ll be a good idea to give it to Baekhyun or not.

And now with Baekhyun sudden quietness, Jongdae thought this was probably a bad idea to give Baekhyun the picture after all. Jongdae is already stretched his hands out again to take the picture back from Baekhyun when Baekhyun suddenly lift up his head.

“This is beautiful, Dae...” starts Baekhyun, the softness in his voice very clear and if Jongdae dare to decipher the looks that Baekhyun gave him now is called… fondness?

“Thank you,” says Baekhyun instead.

Jongdae found himself smile shyly. So far everything that he’s been through during his pregnancy was pleasant, Baekhyun was more than accommodating to him, sometimes bring him food, give Jongdae scold here and there if Jongdae is about to bring his work home or just casually drop like today and he will let Jongdae take his time lazing around while he work his way around the kitchen and since Baekhyun and kitchen was one of the worst combination, he only made coffee for himself or wash the dishes for Jongdae. During their friendship, Jongdae knows Baekhyun could be this kind and reliable, but he never know to what extent he could be very kind and Jongdae feels strangely that it’s almost feels like… dating.

Jongdae blinked to _shoo_ the thoughts away from his mind. Another thing that will be bad combination is Baekhyun with relationship. Although Baekhyun never really explain the reason of his failed relationship or his on and off and on again of his casual relationship, Jongdae is very grateful that he’s only friend with Baekhyun. Baekhyun usually end his affair in ugly way that Jongdae never really dare to prompts deeper about his situation.

But Jongdae knows Baekhyun will take his time to properly explain it to him if Jongdae ever ask.

“What time do you plan to visit the doctor tomorrow, Dae?” asks Baekhyun now back to his original position, lean forward until his head reaches the edge of the couch and placed his chin on top of it. Baekhyun is really handsome, I hope Janeun got his feature, was what Jongdae thought before he cleared his throat and could reply to Baekhyun’s question.

“Probably after lunch, I already asked for half-day leave for tomorrow,” answers Jongdae, played with the fabric of his pillow’s case “can you make it?”

Baekhyun hums and looked up to his room’s ceiling. “Well, I have a department meeting usually in the afternoon, but I always can ditch it you know?”

Jongdae slapped him playfully. “Don’t skip it, you will be someone’s role model someday!” scolded Jongdae.

Baekhyun laugh good naturedly. “Janeun can always follow your guidance anyway,” comments Baekhyun and Jongdae attempt to slapped him again as good measure. This time Baekhyun dodge it though.

The next day, Jongdae who is on his way back to his work station because he forgets to pick up his phone that still charge when he left his office fifteen minutes ago. He already halfway to the clinics when he realize he left his phone. Although, he can’t help himself to stop right before he make way to his office room which he shared with his other coworker when he realize there are faint sound coming from his office room where his coworker apparently in the middle of talking about someone. Someone who is Jongdae.

“....he’s on the way to check himself to doctor now, what a laid back,” said Jungsoo—one of his coworker, the sound of him could he recognize even from miles away. It’s high pitched and little bit breathy.

“You know he suddenly get pregnant right after he broke up with Sehun, right? It’s not even three months yet I can’t believe he already fucking with someone else,” commented another Jongdae’s coworker, Sunyoung “poor Sehunnie, at least he let Jongdae go for the right reason,”

“Who knows maybe he already fucking when he still with Sehun, I heard he did it with his ‘best friend’” retort Jungsoo again “you know best friend with that quotation mark…”

Jongdae rolled his eyes when he slides his shared-office door loudly to make his presence known. Jungsoo who now Jongdae realize leaned his body to Sunyoung work station with his hand crossed in front of his chest pales instantly, along with Sunyoung. His other co-worker pretty much finds his computer suddenly much more interesting than whatever things that Jungsoo and Sunyoung talked about just now, but Jongdae sure they are listening. Jongdae make his way to his station, pulled his damn phone from the socket and before he could go he makes sure to sweep one more looks around all of his co-workers that he was never sure he dislikes or not, at least not until now. He is wholehearted dislikes them now.

“You know…” starts Jongdae “if you have more time to talk about me, you should use it to increase your sales number rather than questioning my personal life and to straighten everything out, Sehun who was sleeping with someone else, not the other way around...” says him, soft but loud enough for all of his coworkers to listen to it.

“Now if you’ll excuse me…” Jongdae slides the door to his office hard and stomped his way to the elevator once out in the hallway. He knows to become the top sales employees come with a price but he never cheat anyone else or violating any rules in order to achieve it, so he really can’t understand why after all his hard work to be kind enough to all of his coworkers, there are still people that eventually discredit or like just now, shame him. And his ex is no a saint for God's sake, sure he is one of the youngest managers in their office, but his attitude is one of the reasons Jongdae came to conclusion to break everything off from him. Him cheating from Jongdae helps to reach this conclusion as well.

And during the mess of his break up, he can’t count how many times he cried openly in front of his best friend, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and especially Baekhyun. Baekhyun never cried after his break up but Jongdae always ends up as a crying mess or just a mess, when he tried to nurse his breaking heart. It was hard, he always makes sure he made up his mind and put the right person as his romantic partner, but they always end up breaking his heart one after another. He already quite _picky_ to begin with and he still got the heartbreak in the end. Maybe Baekhyun’s retirement plan to end up alone secluded in the countryside was not so bad, he will start saving a lot more and maybe try to build farmhouse as well.

Jongdae didn’t realize his gloominess accompany him all the way to his appointment time and his former plan to get lunch before he meets with the doctor—around the clinic area, canceled and left him with no food intake at all for a whole day. Jongdae just visited the doctor two weeks ago when he realizes he heard his unborn baby heartbeat for the first time. It’s faint and if you didn’t listen to it carefully it’ll completely unnoticed, but it is still there, _exist_ and painfully a proof that his baby was at least safe and healthy. He is sure both him and Baekhyun looked at the monitor with identical _awe_ expression and more so in Baekhyun’s expression.

Jongdae just finished giving Baekhyun weak smile when the seriousness from his doctor caught Jongdae off guard when he and Baekhyun seated in front of Jongdae’s doctor.

“So… I assume this is the other parent, Jongdae-ssi?” asked Doctor Choi, glanced at Baekhyun then back to stare at Jongdae again. Jongdae nods. “I’m happy that you both came together now since it will be pretty helpful of you to remind Jongdae-ssi not overworked himself and keep his mood balance,”

“I believe it’s quite hard since he is naturally moody, doctor, with or without pregnancy,” comments Baekhyun and Jongdae slapped his biceps. And whine, only Baekhyun laugh it off like its nothing.

“I can’t believe I bring you here!” whines Jongdae on his best friend's betrayal.

Doctor Choi seems happy to look at his patient banter with his companion. Only her face looks quite serious now.

“I’m happy that both of you came, but judge from your current blood pressure test, it seems like that your result is quite low, I hope you manage to keep it always normal, not too high or too low, since if you keep it too high as well I believe it will influence the blood circulation to the embryo,” explains the doctor sternly and Jongdae never feel too small in his seat until now.

But his doctor smile in the end and remind him to keep the food intake normally and if it’s better to add several weights to his current weights since his doctor claimed he’s too thin for his baby. With smile of course. Jongdae, again, failed to notice flash of hurt and confusion in Baekhyun’s eyes while his doctor remind him to eat like a glutton and ignore all the negativity around his environment for the sake of his baby.

Yeah, ignore the negativity that he just got from his co-workers and go on with life while he needed to maintain his number on sales too. Easy. He probably die in the process, no big deal, Jongdae thought sarcastically.

Only when Jongdae back again to his apartment that he realize Baekhyun didn’t drop any of stupid comments during their way home to Jongdae’s apartment. Baekhyun drive like a statue and grunt or hums as response to Jongdae’s commentary about the channel radio or about the traffic.

Jongdae just hang his coat on his indoor hanger when he realize Baekhyun’s eyes never leave him. And his stare is not as friendly as usual.

“You know… you never tell me exactly why you have to always keep your mood balance or how you always need to tone down your work loads,” asked Baekhyun, slowly and calculating “you said it’s just your body reaction, but you never exactly tell me why your body could have that kind of reaction,”

Jongdae looked at his still socked feet, he feels small once again. He hates this feeling, he hates that he had to explain and admit that he will _eventually will burden_ his friends a lot because of his condition. He barely sleep at night just thinking of how he burden his boss because of his pregnancy.

“I also don’t know what they officially named it, but it's regarding my… uterus where they called it... “ Jongdae came to look at Baekhyun in the eyes “volatile I think, believe me, I also have no idea what the hell is that, but it means the unborn baby will quite sensitive in my womb and every action of mine, or my surroundings that makes the hormone changes in me could easily influence the baby condition, like... “

Jongdae struggling to find a better way to explain it since Baekhyun dark expression more and more give him feeling of helplessness.

“...like just now, I happened to get down from something that happened back in the office and it directly takes a toll on my blood pressure and it means the baby will feel it because turns out blood circulation need to be normal in order for the baby to be healthy…?” Jongdae understand that he explains his condition lamely but well, he’s not a doctor. And sue him, at least there’s quite realization come in Baekhyun expression now after hearing his explanation.

“So… anything that you will do, in order to make the baby healthy you need to cut down everything, no more working overtime, no well.. Stressful environment…” summarize Baekhyun, equally lame “what about sex? Did the doctor said anything about it?”

Jongdae barks some laugh from Baekhyun completely caught him off guard from his lame question. All of the tension from their situation melt from Jongdae’s body and he enjoys his good naturedly discussion with Baekhyun now—not there’s any discussion to begin with. Before he could explain something more to Baekhyun, there’s sound of phone ring off from Baekhyun’s phone and Baekhyun’s surprised expression come rendered his face later. He took his phone off from his black pants pocket and smile apologizes to Jongdae.

“Sorry, I need to answer this…” says Baekhyun dejectedly and Jongdae could only caught faint sound of girl’s voice from the phone before Baekhyun out from Jongdae’s apartment in order to answer his call—which signalling as Baekhyun doesn’t want Jongdae to hear about his phone call.

_Huh,_ Jongdae thoughts. His chest feel ten folds worse to Baekhyun who answering call from a girl than hearing his co-worker talking him dirty. And he doesn’t like this even more.

Baekhyun come back again after he has done his phone call, a little too cheerful for Jongdae’s liking and they eventually talk and discuss about the pregnancy anyway. It never really occurs to Jongdae that he failed to mention his official condition’s name will lead to much more disastrous event in the future.

***

Jongdae just about to turn on his heel to open his front door when Baekhyun seems reach the front door first. Soon, booming sound from Chanyeol came and he heard Kyungsoo mumbling something about _you’re an embarrassment_. Jongdae usually opted for take out, but he just feeling emotional to cook right now so he experiment a little with recipes and proceeds to make more than two decent foods.

So since Baekhyun makes himself useful, Jongdae has been walk around his kitchen since two hours ago. Baekhyun only popped his head up around kitchen for once in a while examining whether Jongdae needs help or not. Well he popped his head up to once in thirty minutes from once in five minutes only after Jongdae screamed at him _‘leave me alone Baek, I’m pregnant not invalid!’_.

Jongdae looks at Kyungsoo hopefully when he let the youngest of their group of friends to taste his _Galbitang_ first. Chanyeol and Baekhyun oddly looks at Kyungsoo as well while holding their breath. Right after Kyungsoo swallow the soup that his eyes look instantly sparkling in front of Jongdae.

“This is… so good, Jongdae!” says Kyungsoo now try to reach for another bowl of soup from the large bowl where Jongdae put it “see? And I’m now trying to reach for second bowl,”

Jongdae laughs easily, he never aware how dopey Baekhyun looks at him.

“I told you, it’ll be delicious!” exclaims Baekhyun, there's a hint of pride in his talking, “you guys have to try this…” Baekhyun pushed two large plates that contains _Japchae_ and _Dak-Galbi_ in it. Chanyeol already serve himself first anyway.

Kyungsoo chuckled and in reflect try to reach for tissue and cleans the sauce that stained Chanyeol’s chin. “I know, it’ll be delicious anyway, everything looks delicious, isn’t Yeol?”

Chanyeol nods with a mouth full of food. Jongdae observe the two lovebirds silently while nudge for Baekhyun to serve their rice bowl now. He might look quite dreamy to the couple interaction and how he painfully aware that he have no one right now to act lovey dovey like that.

It only comes up around the time when they almost finished their main course that Baekhyun realize his sudden changes in mood. Apparently, with the extreme changes in his hormone also equal of sudden changes in his mood, emotion and everything in it. Jongdae could swear he cried silently last night because he dropped his coffee during his work day and there’s no Baekhyun around to soothe his back whenever his mood drop. Baekhyun touched his hand slowly and bring his index and thumb finger to lift Jongdae’s chin so Jongdae could look at him.

“Hey,” says Baekhyun, try so much to comfort him, “do you want a good foot massage later? I got this very good oil from my colleague and they say it’ll relax you instantly,”

“Sounds nice,” comments Jongdae, the couple in front of him still looks disgustingly in love. Jongdae also want to be disgustingly in love.

“But I want to eat dessert first,” says Jongdae instead because it’s better to say that rather than to say whatever things that he have in mind right now.

Baekhyun as usual, move from his side instantly with movement that heavily mirrored excited puppy. Not even a minute, Baekhyun back with a bowl of _Hoppang_.

“I know you don't really like this, but this one have chocolate in it, not the usual filling,” says Baekhyun quickly realising the frown that plastered Jongdae’s face.

“It did? Isn’t it hard to find?” retort Jongdae, but he picks the food anyways.

“Really? It sold in front of the station, though,”

“And you walked that far to buy this? When?”

“Not me, I bribe Chanyeol to buy it for me,”

Jongdae was about to open his mouth to scold Baekhyun when he realize their two other friends just stop their eating and now looked at he and Baekhyun with a looks that he can’t decipher as well.

“Oh no, don’t mind us, keep going,” mocks Chanyeol “just don’t forget to invite us when you guys finally decide the date of your marria—AW”

Jongdae kicked him in the shin. Baekhyun flinched and Kyungsoo laugh on his boyfriend’s antics.

“I can’t believe I invite you guys over to tell about my baby’s gender before I tell my parents,” mumbles Jongdae, he eerily aware Baekhyun hands still lay on top of his left hand. He sighed for the dramatic effects, though.

“Really?” says Kyungsoo bewildered, “isn’t it a little bit too soon? Wait you already showing so…”

“It’s already 15 weeks, but Jongdae asked to get you know… this test that used to know about Down Syndrome and from it we able to know the sex earlier,” explains Baekhyun which of course took Jongdae by surprise.

Kyungsoo looks serious and Chanyeol completely lost. But Jongdae quite in _awe_ when he realize Baekhyun listens, at least whatever things that Jongdae rambles at him weeks ago, he indeed pay attention to it.

“Which test? The CVS or NIPT?” asks Kyungsoo instead.

“CVS, right?” asks Baekhyun immediately and even if he looks unsure, he looks at Jongdae for confirmation.

Jongdae nods, “yeah, I figure the NIPT will be quite risky for my body, so we used CVS,”

“I don’t even know what you guys are talking about, but you both sounds exactly like married couple who is expecting their third child not their first one,” comments Chanyeol, seemingly impress with the pregnancy info that just dump by Jongdae and Baekhyun “or you guys really hide another baby without us knowing?”

“Chanyeol has been excited to be a Godfather,” says Kyungsoo, “he might try to be a father himself later,”

Chanyeol looks at him in horror. “What, don’t you want to? Toben needs sibling you know!”

“Say that again one more time, you sleep on the couch,” threatens Kyungsoo, narrowing his eyes to glare at Chanyeol.

“Well you guys been together for quite some time, why don’t you guys try?” interrupts Jongdae absentmindedly “if you guys conceive it this month, our child will have the same grade,”

That put Kyungsoo and Chanyeol both red instantly. Kyungsoo mumbles something and Chanyeol looks at Jongdae full of betrayal.

“You sure one to talk, how about marry each other first? Before try to teach us how to coupling…” says Chanyeol “best friend my ass…”

And if Jongdae feels like he has been slapped in the face, he did a very good job by not showing it in front of everyone. He’s not sure about Baekhyun though, but before everything turns into a dreadful conversation (especially with sudden drop on Jongdae’s emotion from Chanyeol’s words) Jongdae opted to tease the couple in front of them.

“What Chanyeol? You sometimes like to take it up in the ass?” that comment sure brought Chanyeol into stuttering mess and Kyungsoo who’s been busy doing nothing in the kitchen counter choke before he hollered himself.

“Well, he did,” winks Kyungsoo and back to his seat again.

Jongdae was so busy to mask his own inner turmoil he doesn’t realize Baekhyun’s hand on him tighter than minutes ago and how he didn’t laugh at Jongdae attempt to jokes. Jongdae notice how Baekhyun become quieter for the rest of the night, though.

***

Jongdae ready to curse out loud in the middle of his lunch break when suddenly big paper gift place in front of his face when he’s on the way to eat his _spaghetti._ And he almost want to throw up the moment he looked at the person who just carelessly put the gift on his table. Sehun, his ex.

“Yo!” greet Sehun, charming and still, well—handsome. Jongdae just realize that his type usually fall for people who will easily pass as fuck boy rather than decent man. Jongdae curse again internally before he can talk to his ex without stuttered mess.

“Heard you pregnant, congratulations,” says Sehun, monotonously.

“Heard you demoted, congratulations,” retort Jongdae back.

Sehun irked his eyebrows a little before he cleared his throat and take a seat in front of Jongdae, accompany Jongdae lone self who just enjoy his time munching his pasta in peace. He just worked diligently for five straight hours, he needs and deserves to have his lunch break in peace. Jongdae sighed loudly. Makes his disappointment clear in the air.

“I came here in peace and sincerely want to congratulate you, you know,” says Sehun, holding up his two hands as an act of surrender “and I believe you religiously take your pills once a week and it made me speechless when there’s time that you actually _forget_ not to take it,”

Jongdae chokes in the middle of his eating. He never sure why he picked Sehun as his boyfriend back then but now he never regret to break it up from him anyway.

“Well, I also congratulate you sincerely for the demotion, what is it again? Act of indecency during office hours?” shot Jongdae back, he just stop eating his pasta, he will never enjoy it anyway in Sehun’s presence.

Sehun merely shrugged his broad shoulders. “To be fair, I never know Jongin was our President’s son, I’m lucky they’re not fire me,”

“You deserve to be fired though,”

“You’re still angry, I see,”

“Cut the bullshit, what do you want, Sehun?”

That got Sehun’s reaction a little bit. “I… was trying to apologize… honestly. I mean, during the time we’re together, you never for once hurting me or demands anything from me yet I did the worst to you, you’re one of my best boyfriend in my relationship history yet… I did…” Sehun coughed a little, try to straighten out his position “I did that. For that, I’m deeply sorry, I never want to hurt you Jongdae, believe it or not,”

Well, Sehun also one of the best boyfriend that Jongdae have before the cheating fiasco happened. That was the first time he thought that he was so angry to Sehun that Sehun cry begging him for not breaking up from him. He might still pretty much in love with Sehun when they broke up but for now, he could at least admitted that have Sehun’s presence around him doesn’t as much as bother him anymore. It was already months ago anyway.

“You could’ve said that you like someone and I will let you go, you know, rather than fucking behind my back, I will never try to push the relationship agenda if you just admitted it,” said Jongdae carefully, examining Sehun’s expression.

Sehun now looked at him painfully. “Is that why are you breaking up from me?” asks Sehun bewildered, his smile looks sad “I… I never for once fall out love from you, or like someone else during the relationship it just…”

Jongdae brows furrows looking at Sehun’s pained expression.

“I admit, I slept with him, once, but it’s not because of my feelings to him, rather than because my feelings for _you_ ,” Sehun starts slowly, carefully choosing his words, Jongdae could sense it “you’re kind, you’re the best, really, but that’s the problem, I feel useless around you, you didn’t let me do anything, it was always you who’s doing everything, our dates, supporting me, spoiled me, and that makes me confused, you ran to your best friend when you have problems, I know that your mom got sick because I was eavesdropping your co-worker, I… I feel suffocated and I end up like that…”

“Are you implying your action is because of my faults?” asks Jongdae full of disgust.

“No… shit, how did I put this, I really loved you back then, I could swear on this, but.. I never talked it out my insecurities to you and that’s partly my fault, but I never realize how much you love me as well until we broke up… when you were so hurt that you instantly left me,” explained Sehun softly, his voice cracked a little “I was so sure you didn’t… acknowledge me as your boyfriend, you never asked about anything, never demand anything, you keep giving me something and… I just thought, maybe because I’m younger than you that… that you come to rely on your friends rather than with me…”

Jongdae pressed his lips into a thin line. His appetite already left him moments ago.

“And I know now how toxic my mind was when instead of talking it to you I go and talk to someone else—worst decision ever and I’m really sorry, I broke what you and I had back then,” says Sehun truthfully, for once Jongdae realize how thin Sehun gets right now and how little color that was left in his face, he rubbed his nape nervously, “I… I’m really happy that you’re having a child now even though, part of my heart really wish that I’m the one who will have it later with you in the future…. Seems like it really end now,”

And Jongdae was never a crier, especially not in front of his ex. Because when the tear slides accidentally in Sehun’s cheek, Jongdae just stared at him blankly and give Sehun tissues quietly. Jongdae never touch his food again after his talk with Sehun. Even if the said man leave Jongdae alone later to continue his lunch. Jongdae just paid his food bills and brought Sehun’s gift and threw it carelessly to his living room when he reached his apartment. Only after he sat on his bed, he looked at his dark bedroom he readied himself to cry hard and as much as he needed.

***

Jongdae gasped when Baekhyun drag his cock slowly from his entrance, with full intent and vigor that he knows how hard Baekhyun have to hold himself back from pounding hard to Jongdae. Well, not that Jongdae doesn’t want it, but you know—baby and everything. So since Jongdae stomach showed more and more, even now the backache starts to come, not that painful but enough for Jongdae to sometimes tone down on his movement, preferably in the late afternoon or when they are in the middle of—this, doing another making baby activity.

They’ve been doing this for a while now (especially after the pregnancy), fucking slowly and in lazy rythm, Baekhyun tried to build the pleasure little by little, and Jongdae feels drown and emotional from it. They hold hands between Baekhyun thrusts into him and couldn’t stop running his mouth over Jongdae’s warm skin from their activity. Sometimes he drops words that taste as sweet as honey, other times he just runs his lips over Jongdae chest, his nipple, his throat, open mouthed kiss to his Adam apple.

Sometimes, when Jongdae feels his moans gets too loud for his liking, he’ll try to cover it with the back of his hand, but Baekhyun will take his hand back into his hold and fuck him even more tender. Slow, sweet and addicting was what Jongdae feels as of late from how Baekhyun fucking him. It makes him emotional because this is surprisingly something that he was not expect from Baekhyun. It’s as if Baekhyun make into his own mission to make Jongdae come as satisfying as possible. It makes him feel another thousands wave of emotions as well that he is questioning whether this is something that best friend—or now, best fried with baby between them—should do?

Jongdae doesn’t realize that he cries as well in between his moans and Baekhyun’s thrust. When he finally come, with his hands circling Baekhyun’s shoulder and his legs spread widely to accommodate Baekhyun between it, he yearns Baekhyun’s body close against him because now his round stomach constantly growing, it makes Baekhyun couldn’t hug him as close as possible. Baekhyun always hold his body well and give space for the unborn baby between them so he won’t crushing his weight into it. It’s a sweet gesture but it makes Jongdae constantly missing his body during his orgasm and _post-orgasm_.

Baekhyun also come not long after Jongdae come. He groaned and he pants hard and his body shakes lightly during the high.

“Wha… is it not good? Are you hurting?” Jongdae heard Baekhyun frantic voice brought him back from his high.

“What?” asks Jongdae back, confuse “ah… you mean this...” Jongdae slowly pulled his hands from Baekhyun’s hold and also, with slow motion swipe the wet patch in his cheeks.

Baekhyun’s eyes frantically looks for any sign of discomfort from his face, concerns, confuse and _maybe_ just _maybe_ , he feels sort of death aura coming from Baekhyun. As if he ready to jump at anyone if Jongdae just admit his meeting with his ex only brought such a sadness in him.

But that’s not the reason of Jongdae crying. Sure he is sad because of his meeting with Sehun days ago, but he can’t help feeling pathetic from his situation. His sudden mood swings not lessening even a little bit, he is sure his co-worker still talk badly of him in their free time, Minseok hyung—his boss—looks at him longingly but at least he’s not pressuring Jongdae into anything.

But on top of everything, Jongdae can’t help to feel that everything that happened was his fault. From his failure on his last relationship, to forget refilling his pills, now with his pregnancy condition to Baekhyun who spends himself more in Jongdae’s apartment rather than Jongdae himself, he keeps reminding there’s nothing he could do to his pregnancy as well, but he can’t help but feel that if he might just… _let go_ of his pregnancy, everyone will feel better and everything will go as the way it planned. He could break whatever things that he and Baekhyun currently have, set Baekhyun free to pick his own lover, to _actually_ want to be with someone that he wants to have a child with (even though Baekhyun keep saying he doesn’t want from _anyone_ ever) for him… to actually have a lover so he doesn’t have to suffer with sweetness that Baekhyun provide him right now and not mistakenly thought that as…. Baekhyun’s love.

And did he mentioned the failure of his relationship, he can’t help as well that if he, if he really act like the way Sehun told him, would everything will happen differently? His sudden bond with Baekhyun, his current helplessness about himself...

“Dae…. hey Dae,” says Baekhyun again, if he just panic right now, now he’s frantically ten times worse, “talk to me, hey, what is it? What is bothering you? Is it really that bad that you crying so hard right now?”

Jongdae grunts. He shook his head anyway. “You… you’re too nice,” say Jongdae instead.

Baekhyun bewildered at his comment, “What are you talking about? I’m always nice!”

“Not that… this… this whole thing,” Jongdae gestured to look at his room vaguely with bare faced and patch of wet tears still clear for Baekhyun to see, he put his hands at Baekhyun shoulder for good measure, “you don’t have to do this, I’m not your lover, not your boyfriend, we barely a couple, you don’t have to force yourself to be with me all the time just because I have a baby,”

“Our,” cut Baekhun, his eyes sharp instantly.

“I’m the one who is going to bear him,” starts Jongdae but Baekhyun ready to interrupts his talk anyway.

“And stop that, we might not a couple but I’m willing to go for whatever board you have with this baby because it's ours, there’s part of myself in it and like hell I’ll let you work on it by yourself,” says Baekhyun passionately “just…. Just stop with all those unnecessary thoughts of yours, I’m here, I’ll always be here just like the old times and…”

Jongdae waits, he looks at Baekhyun expectantly, his eyes still shine from the tears that he had but he feels hopeful hearing the words that come from Baekhyun.

“....am I not that reliable enough for you to have you think something like that? You can count on me, just tell me what is bothering you or what you want, and I’ll go get it for you,” finished Baekhyun.

Well, Jongdae cries again after hearing that. “Why are you single? I’m sure if you try this hard no one will dump your ass, Baek,” mumbles Jongdae, try to hide himself now under Baekhyun sharp gaze on his face. He merely pull Baekhyun’s shoulder closely and try to swipe his snot on it. _Well_ , Baekhyun did say he’ll go get for whatever Jongdae’s want, right?

“I’m the one who dumped them,” corrects Baekhyun, insulted but he starts to stroke Jongdae’s cheeks gently, he gives a slow movement and Jongdae just remembered that Baekhyun’s dick still nestled inside him when he gasped. Baekhyun now see him with _smug_ expression.

“And I smell for another round,” says Baekhyun grinned, he tries to get himself up with rutted himself inside Jongdae’s hole. And how Jongdae hate to admit, he pretty much eager to start another round too.

“You _want_ another round,” comments Jongdae, but he enjoys the way Baekhyun cage him, under him and his fingers brush Jongdae’s cheek slow, soft and so tender. As if _this_ Baekhyun take his sweet time to feel Jongdae’s skin under his palm. Jongdae feels he venture to another unfamiliar side of Baekhyun that he never realize the man has to begin with.

So when Baekhyun leans down to catch his lips and the kiss feels hot, kind, compassionate all at once, Jongdae welcomes it wholeheartedly and he oddly feels _loved_.

***

Months pass by, Jongdae more and more fit it to his pregnancy lifestyle. He even attend more class to his prenatal Yoga. He visit his doctor religiously once a month, and Jongdae feels happy whenever his doctor pointed to him how healthy his baby is growing inside his womb. His co-workers still a pain in the ass and Minseok hyung, still looked at him longingly (of course) judge by how his less working time clearly put the sales margin lower than their usual achievement in Marketing & Sales department. Jongdae feels flattered, but no, his baby is more important and his boss need to find a way to work his other lazy worker more effectively. At least Sehun doesn’t drop off randomly again and avoiding him like the plague whenever their eyes meet in the office.

Around January, the only time where Jongdae could visits his family to personally tell them about his pregnancy will be around Seollal. Even though he already told his mother that he was expecting through the phone call, she never really see it herself when Jongdae is standing in front of her nose, stomach swell for good and five months old pregnant, almost reach six months. And with a very happy looking Baekhyun in tow with him.

His mother screams.

“You know I even bet with your brother who the other parent will be, you can just admit it back then when you’re still in high school so I’m not losing almost two grands from your brother, Dae-ah,” commented his mother after she satisfied screaming in front of Jongdae’s nose. She’s munching the prawn dumpling that Jongdae and Baekhyun bought for her.

“I’m not pregnant back then when I’m in high school, mom,” shot Jongdae walking slowly from their kitchen to his family living room. Jongdeok, like an asshole he is, currently occupying the couch with his mother and Baekhyun happily chatting with each other. Only his father situated in the love seat and currently engrossing himself to watch whatever show that their cable shown in the television.

“But I believe you already have something going on since high school, pregnant or not,” replied his mother back, already go for the third dumpling “so is that means you guys together now? Or not?”

Jongdeok the one who answer her question. “Nope mom, if they’re together, I’m sure Baek won’t shut up about it—ever, he probably already plans their wedding out,”

“Wedding is nice, would you prefer to do it in Seoul?” says his mother, obviously ignoring the disapproving looks from Jongdae.

“Isn’t your parent move to Bucheon recently?” ask Jongdoek, nudge Baekhyun in the process who seemingly play along with the conversation “well, if it’s true then they will prefer Seoul than Daejeon right?”

“My parent is fine anywhere, they also give you guys warms greeting for Seoullal, mom…” Baekhyun nods to Jongdae’s father “ and dad,”

His mother and brother coo in high-pitched kind of way that irritates Jongdae more than Baekhyun’s stupid remarks but even his father looks proud of how Baekhyun hesitantly but politely talk on behalf of his parents.

“See Dae-ah, if you just said that you guys together when you were in high school, I might already have my second grandchild by now,” says Jongdae’s mother nonchalantly.

Jongdae choked and almost throw up whatever syrups that he just sips in just now. His father scolded him for distracting him from the television.

Only after Jongdae close his former bedroom door that he finally get some peace of his mind from his family. He loves his family so much, but having them coo-ing at him now about his pregnancy, his non-existence relationship with Baekhyun, or just Baekhyun makes him feel dizzy instantly.

Jongdae in the middle of petting his belly absentmindedly and sit on top of his bed when he realizes he’s been daydreaming as well and ignoring whatever things that Baekhyun talked to him. He only managed snap from his reverie when Baekhyun’s hands come in contact to his stomach and stroke it as well. His baby hasn’t kicked yet but Jongdae couldn’t take his hands off from it because he’s dying to feel his baby’s movement.

“What is it in your mind, _daddy_?” whisper Baekhyun makes Jongdae’s body shiver, not that he doesn’t feel what’s in Baekhyun’s mind anyway. Baekhyun drop kiss to his shoulder and Jongdae realize (again) that Baekhyun just finished his bath and currently only dressed in his boxer.

“Shut up, Baek, I’m not in the mood,” says Jongdae instead. Baekhyun laughs.

“Come on, we never do it in your bedroom,” pouts Baekhyun, his eyes look mischievous and he smiles while stroking Jongdae stomach.

Not that Jongdae opposed to whatever things Baekhyun suggest to him, but the last time Jongdae have sex in his bedroom was when he brought Sehun last year, the first and his last visit apparently. And he never sleep with anyone who is not his boyfriend in there, it’s weirdly sentimental for Jongdae now to be here—with Baekhyun from all people and not having anything runs between them. Well, except for the baby. From the last time when Jongdae broke down, both he and Baekhyun notice that doing it the way like Baekhyun did it, put Jongdae in better mood and his sleep becomes more profound. Over all it’s nice, but it’s not that nice to do it now with the air of disappointment still around in Jongdae’s mind from his last relationship so with a sad smile that he never intends to hide from Baekhyun, he put away Baekhyun’s hand from his swollen stomach.

“No, I don’t think so…” Jongdae shook his head elegantly “I’m just…. Going to sleep with Jongdoek, okay? Just take the bed as much as you can…”

Baekhyun frowned instantly. “What? Why? Why are you not going to sleep with me?”

“Because I brought Sehun here last time!” snap Jongdae, irritated irked him more with the sudden rapidly questioning “And we did it… and yeah, it just making me hard to sleep here right now, with or without you, no offense, Baekhyun”

Baekhyun gasped and the playful expression replace instantly by anger.

“Well, with full offense, shouldn’t I be the one who sleep somewhere else rather than in here? Seeing you mop around your last ex and probably reminiscing the time where he fucked you senseless?” spat Baekhyun back and Jongdae’s face paler the more Baekhyun opened his mouth “aren’t you moping as well because you wished that Janeun is Sehun’s? Not mine? Too bad for you that I’m just an obstacle between you and him, right?”

“Baek…” said Jongdae, his mind getting hazy instantly from sudden changes from Baekhyun’s mood. Well that and apparently Baekhyun’s outburst is not finished.

“....You can run to him all you want the moment Janeun born if you really desperate of his dick! And like hell if you dare to bring my child to meet him” says Baekhyun, sharp and Jongdae never really see this part of Baekhyun that he can’t help himself gaped at how spiteful Baekhyun is in front of him.

“Baek…. That…” _that was not what I meant_ was what Jongdae failed to tell to the furious Baekhyun in front of him. Baekhyun took his leave from Jongdae side and pushed the spare blanket from Jongdae closet and rolled it on the floor. Jongdae saw him lie on his side, back face Jongdae while Jongdae sit silently on the edge of his bed. Furious Baekhyun is not something unusual for Jongdae to see, Baekhyun mad at him was something that unusually happened and it take Jongdae’s a lot of time down into the realization that Baekhyun just mad at him. And that makes all the reasoning for Jongdae to sleep with Jongdeok more. Without saying anything and try to move as quiet as possible, Jongdae leave his childhood bedroom and sleep with his brother.

Pregnancy, as Jongdae feels always give all or nothing to sudden changes of emotion inside Jongdae, now it feels extremely whenever Baekhyun around him. The extreme change is so blatant that he could swear he is the happiest man on Earth when Baekhyun pampered him, jokes with him, stroke his stomach with the obvious gentleness and in the blink of his eyes Jongdae feels the most pathetic being on Earth by furious Baekhyun with him, trap with him, inside his house and they still have another days left until they back to Seoul again.

Maybe if Jongdae also in his usual self, you know unpregnant and also moody, he could spite Baekhyun back because it’s not their first time to fight but Baekhyun rarely to spite him so last night when something that close to Baekhyun’s sudden burst of emotion happened and he was in his lowest mood, especially with his mind constantly worry about his baby well-being (why he hasn’t kicked yet, dear God?) he can’t help avoiding Baekhyun completely. The avoidance action quite too much now that even his father realize it (not that he intends to hide it anyway) and try to talk about it with not so subtlety of course.

“I believe if you tell him properly, he will listen to you wholeheartedly, Dae,” said his father when he comes along with his father to his father’s shop, just happy he found a reason to avoid Baekhyun possibly for a whole day.

Jongdae sighed. What is it with people around him who like to read his problem better than his own self?

“There’s nothing to explain, Dad,” said Jongdae tiredly, he just finished take a look around his father hardware shop, and he already feels like in the need to nap “it was only a misunderstanding, soon he will no longer mad again… and I pretty much better to wait until his anger subsided..”

His father looks at him like he just grew three heads.

“He is not… angry, Dae,” says his father carefully.

“What?”

“Sure he might look like death, but you know him, your mother knows him, even I know him, that’s not the look that you give to people that you’re mad at,” explained his father firmly “he is jealous,”

“What” again, more like a statement.

“He is jealous, haven’t you friended with him for years to know that is _his_ jealous looks?” said his father easily “he beats up your first ex in high school, I’m pretty sure if he met with your last ex—what’s his name again?”

“Sehun”

“Yeah, that Sehun boy, he beats him up again and we will have to bail him out from jail, I believe,” now his father taps his chin with his index finger, seemingly concern onto something, “but nah, he’s better stay out from prison, I don’t want to have _felony_ as my in law…”

Jongdae laughed loudly at his father's comments. God, he indeed misses his home.

“I know that you tend to do everything by yourself, partly because that was your mother and my fault as well, when we try to take care Jongdeok properly, we failed to notice that you need us as much as Jongdoek, and maybe because of that you hardly rely yourself to other people,” said his father again, “but out of everyone that will look after you genuinely and greatly, Baekhyun is one of them, son, keep him,” finish his father solemnly.

Jongdae quite taken aback to what his father tell him. He might expect this kind of talk from his mother, his mother the one who usually try to keep everyone in line, remind him to eat food regularly and the vegetable as well, his father seldom to call him, only his mother back then. Especially when Jongdoek have to visit hospital more often than not during his anxiety episode, his father would pop up randomly in their house and usually he will back again to hospital when he knows one or two friends of Jongdae came to house to sleepover. And the one who usually sleepover is… Baekhyun.

Jongdae hit with the feels of how Baekhyun has been the longest, the first and the one who by now stood by him through the many changes of his life events.

“And don’t tell me that you never did anything as well for Baekhyun, you did, son, you make him whoever he is right now, he followed you all the way to Seoul, you made him graduated through his junior, senior and university and even his parents admit on how many good things that you brought to their son, your mother still chat to his mother once a week you know,” added his father more into Jongdae train of thought “what I’m trying to say is out of the people that you could pick to rely yourself to, he is a great choice, not because he will do it for the sake of your friendship, but for the sake, he will just do it without a second thought for you… it’s because you’re the one who asked him,” 

Jongdae hums and tries to drown into this input from his father. It is not that he is never aware sometimes Baekhyun borderline possessive and how people used to misunderstand their closeness as something more than just friends, but being friends with Baekhyun is painfully different than dating him. Jongdae had lost count of how many times he came to Baekhyun and seeing him fight with his ex-lovers and just dropping the breakup words so casually just like he talked about the weather. That’s the reason he prefers to meet Baekhyun in his own apartment, nt the other way around because he wants to save himself from the secondhand embarrassment of how awkward sometimes situation where Jongdae walked into Baekhyun’s apartment.

Especially now with Jongdae often caught from the corner of his eye that Baekhyun starts to reply to messages and answer calls regularly with the same girl’s voice that he heard from the phone. He never asked it, but playful smile and Baekhyun relax shoulder pretty much telling him that at least the message that coming from it makes Baekhyun happy.

Sure, Baekhyun is nice to him, with the last night event as an exception, he pushed himself to be someone that Jongdae could rely himself to. And Jongdae did rely on many things to Baekhyun but he can’t help feeling scared. Scare on how one bad move from him or Baekhyun could destroy whatever things that he perfectly fine to have right now. The last time Baekhyun mentioned his break up reason is because his girlfriend keep interrupting his talking and it snapped the shit out of him. Jongdae decide to never really asked him anything after that. They were just so different in the romantic relationship department.

He, pretty sure doesn’t know what he will do if one day, Baekhyun looked at him like the way Baekhyun looked at all of his former lovers. Cold and unforgiving.

So for now, he currently doesn’t know what he could properly answer to his father. Thankfully his father doesn’t pressed it and they end up looks after the shop quietly. Only around late afternoon when Baekhyun popped his head to the shop like a lost puppy that Jongdae decides to come home with him. His father just waved them out easily from his shop and Jongdae ends up in the passenger seat in Jongdoek’s car, looking out to the scenery outside his window when Baekhyun drove him back and let him know that his mother made a lot dumplings for him and Baekhyun. Jongdae only hums and answered shortly to Baekhyun’s talking.

The dinner passed by evenly and Jongdae sure he feels like he wants to cry and laugh at the same time from his rapidly changing emotions, but he managed to look fine in front of his family and Baekhyun anyway. The night time came, dressed in his dark blue pyjamas and when he sat again on his bed, back leaned into his head board, he feels the first movement from his baby that he waits for months. It’s really out of the blue and sudden it rendered him speechless when he realize the baby indeed kicks. He’s not realizing Baekhyun already stand awkwardly in the middle of his bedroom, the towel hung loosely on his bare shoulder and only dressed in his pyjama pants.

“Baek...” called Jongdae softly, his voice tight with an overwhelmed emotions.

Baekhyun flinched—well not the kind of reaction he hopes from Baekhyun but whatever.

“Janeun kicked, he kicked me,” continued Jongdae. Baekhyun on his side instantly. His eyes strikes with sheer excitement, he looks dazzling.

“Really?” asks Baekhyun, bewildered, “can… can I touch you?”

Jongdae nods and Baekhyun put his hands instantly on top of Jongdae’s stomach, both of his hands and Baekhyun feels the bump under their hands and looked equally emotional when the movement happened again, it was slow, but it was there.

Jongdae feels a tear slide his cheek when he looked at Baekhyun’s expression. _Fuck_ , he doesn’t even know why he is crying but he cry anyway. Baekhyun who is happy and surprise and panic instantly the moment he saw Jongdae cried lost himself to his rambling.

“Wha… Dae, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry to what I said to you yesterday, please don’t cry…” ramble Baekhyun helpless, “ _fuck,_ do you really love that bastard? I can… try to kidnap him? What do you want? I’ll try and go get it, just…”

“Just please don’t cry….” said Baekhyun pleadingly, “Dae-ah…”

Jongdae doesn’t care, he still cries anyway. He blames his pregnancy for his rapidly changing emotion, but what happened yesterday, his father talking, and now his baby healthy and everything, just makes him feel another rapidly changes of emotions. He wished he’s not this emotional, not this slow and melancholy towards anything, because he can’t help but feel Baekhyun pleading for him to stop crying and desperately want to know what he wants _is oddly_ sweet of him.

“I’m not thinking… about my ex like that, you know, it just… I’ve been anxious these past days, I’ve been waiting for Janeun to kick, doctor Choi said I should be able to feel it between 16 to 25 weeks…” explained Jongdae between his quiet sobs, “I almost reached the 24th weeks and it didn't give me any movements yet, I was so scared something will happen at him…”

Baekhyun took him into his embraces instantly. Careful not to crush Jongdae’s stomach between his body, brought Jongdae down to the mattress with his chest pressed tightly to Jongdae’s back. Baekhyun bare body feels warm next to Jongdae’s cold skin. Even if the air conditioner is off, but the coldness from January’s weather out there enough to sink themselves deeper into his skin, heart and mind and it makes him cold inside and out.

“And what you said that thing yesterday about Sehun when I don’t even see him for weeks now, I don’t know how to explain it to you…” Jongdae inhale amount of air to continue his talking in between his now sniffle “I’m just sad because, because this room…”

Jongdae gestured to their surroundings.

“It’s place where I find myself always sleep with my exes, but none of those relationships ever worked out, and here I am skipping all those steps, with you and pregnant,” continued Jongdae “it was like it’s mocked me because none of my effort ever brought me this far with them and… and I just weirdly attached to it because this is my safe haven… I’m sorry I talked too much and it’s… it’s stupid…”

“No, no it’s not,” said Baekhyun, tone firm and arms safely circling Jongdae’s shoulder, “you felt attached to it because you showed them every fragment of your life, your childhood, your life before you live in Seoul in here, yet none of those effort makes your past lovers stay in your life long enough to become your future,”

Jongdae gasped and his other tears come down more when it hits him that Baekhyun knows, _he_ indeed understand just from Jongdae excessive rambling and he still manage to understand it.

“Yeah.. yes… that… that feeling,” Jongdae continue his good time of crying, as silently as he could while Baekhyun hugs him from behind and whisper words whenever Jongdae needs it. He kissed Jongdae’s nape, back and crook of his neck where it meets his shoulder. He keeps kissing Jongdae tenderly even later when Jongdae sobs already shift into sniffle until it downs completely and Jongdae fall asleep because of the exhaustion he felt mentally.

***

It seems like years when it facts it just weeks ago when he met with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo again in his apartment. It was not much, but Jongdae now who very much used to Baekhyun’s presence that attach around his apartment, feels oddly empty without him. Baekhyun’s belongings scattered around his apartment, his stacks of paper on his current projects material, his game console inside the drawer of his coffee table, his own designated drawer in Jongdae’s closet to save Baekhyun’s socks, ties and his other accessories. Now with Baekhyun gone for three days business trip, and Jongdae’s stomach grew as big as he possibly could, Jongdae intent to throw small baby shower for his baby, his Janeun—shit he forgot to look for the name ideas again with Baekhyun. Baekhyun still terror him regularly because he refuse to change the current baby shower date but well, Jongdae already sent his invitation anyway.

He only invited a total of seven people, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, his landlord—who his son came on his behalf, his boss from the office—Minseok hyung, he came with his partner, Luhan, and his tall neighbour who have permanently angry expression to his face but never do anything but helps Jongdae out. Jongdae called him Kris and he believe they’ll never talking if Jongdae was not accidentally help him out with explaining his problem to their apartment plumber from Chinese. Kris never leave him alone after that even sometimes Baekhyun gave the poor guy stink eyes whenever Kris visits his apartment.

And well, surprisingly, Sehun.

Chanyeol gasped and Kyungsoo glared at Sehun the moment they step into Jongdae’s living room. He pulled Jongdae to the kitchen the moments the opportunity arrives.

“Are you crazy?” was the heated tone he got once Jongdae pulled inside his own kitchen. Kyungsoo looking at him with the whole level seriousness that he rarely see and Jongdae practically know Kyungsoo from his seriousness attach permanently in his face since day one of their friendship.

“What? What crazy?” asks Jongdae back.

“Sehun! In here!” says Kyungsoo impatiently.

“Ah!” says Jongdae “you know, he’s here because he’ll have his farewell with me and also to give my apartment keys back to me,”

Kyungsoo deadpanned expression surface immediately.

“Can he sends it to you instead? And can the farewell take place away from here? Because Baekhyun….”

“What? What’s wrong with Baek?”

Kyungsoo bites his bottom lips instantly and knock on his kitchen door makes he and Kyungsoo turn their heads to the intruder. He finds _The_ _Baekhyun_ himself stand and with the expression that he doesn’t like it one bit from him, leans his body in the doorway and now with his hands folded in front of his chest. He still wear his work-suit and even if he looks tired, his smile perfectly mask it. His smile which not even reach his eyes.

“You’re back” said Jongdae, completely oblivious to the sudden drop of atmosphere in the kitchen.

“I… I’ll wait for you guys outside,” mumbles Kyungsoo, he dashes out in an instant.

It’s feels like time stop its running when Jongdae and Baekhyun locked their eyes. Jongdae feels Baekhyun tries so hard to press any emotions that rapidly spreading inside his body. Baekhyun might go to gym and perfectly have better body now than Jongdae, but it doesn’t feel like they have so many differences between their built to begin with. But now, with emotions that Jongdae couldn’t understand from Baekhyun, he feels like Baekhyun just grow ten times bigger and larger than him. Jongdae, doesn’t really know what to do about this _very new_ feeling, especially after experiences Baekhyun outburst from his last visit to his parents' home, optioned to reach Baekhyun’s hand, look him in the eyes and pleads for him to not thinking whatever things that he might think crossed Baekhyun’s mind.

“You’re here…” starts Jongdae “you didn’t tell…”

Baekhyun snorts. “I brought your cake, that’s the plan, I plan to surprising you anyway,”

“Well, it works! I’m surprised...”

Baekhyun glances at him with the strange looks that now _definitely_ crossed his face more often than not, looks that Jongdae couldn’t really understand and now he really regrets it to never try to understand or asks Baekhyun further about it. Because it looks like _death_ himself.

“Please, I’m _more_ surprised,” says Baekhyun and he pushed Jongdae’s hand from him and walk back to the living room where everyone else already starts the event by themselves. Jongdae have to blink rapidly before he can sort himself out and readying himself to greet everyone else.

If the people inside of his living room feel the tension between Baekhyun and him, it perfectly melts away by how a good host is Jongdae for them. Or even Baekhyun to completely play along and hide emotions well. The tension melts away and the event runs smoothly as time goes by, even he feels genuinely touched when Minseok hyung sincerely hugs him and tell-tale him that he is proud of him. Well aside as him being a good employee who works under him, he is sure his boss knows how eventful sometimes Jongdae coworker is. Junmyeon—he knows later—his landlord’s son sent him beautiful onesie for a year old baby as his gift. It’s custom size and Junmyeon made it by himself because so far, out of the all tenants in their apartment complex, Jongdae has been a very good occupant. Jongdae laughs at it. He knows someone who likes to complain and whines about their living condition anyway, but he already feels Kris has been quite awkward to begin with. No need to add anymore awkwardness between he and the landlord’s son.

And when it comes to Sehun present, he presents it in the most extravagant way. He drops all package for baby kit, blanket, the classic giraffe teether and plasma lighting that he have no idea where he will put it. Jongdae know this is way of Sehun apologizing at him but doesn’t mean he will less appreciated it. He just quite… thorough on his gift choosing.

Soon after, the baby shower wraps itself and Jongde’s emotion buzz now with a happy feeling, even if he couldn’t enjoy the wine that Chanyeol insist them to open—since Jongdae couldn’t drink it—but he eventually agree for everyone to take sips from it. The cake that Baekhyun brought for him coming from his favorite bakery and it was so delicious he even planned to buy more tomorrow. The scents that Kyungsoo gave for him already took an effect of how relax his body feels when Kyungsoo burn it. He doesn’t realize that Sehun linger a little too long when he realizes he still there after everyone’s gone—Baekhyun also currently see Chanyeol and Kyungsoo off in the parking lot.

Sehun looks like he caught doing he shouldn’t be doing when Jongdae merely calls his name.

“Ah… thank you again, for having me here…” starts Sehun, try to explain his action “I’m happy, I still hope you’re not going to throw away my presents…”

Jongdae laughs, “what are you talking about? You pick a good brand Sehunnie, I won’t throw that away,”

“I know you’re materialistic deep down, Jongdae hyung,” says Sehun, smiling, “I just… I really wish that you’re happy,”

Jongdae looks at Sehun’s eyes thoughtfully. He did, indeed, he feels happy, a lot of things happened during his pregnancy, his emotions all over the place but at least he’ll see his baby soon. He still have a month and a half before his due date anyway.

“I am, I’m happy Sehunnie,” says Jongdae easily, he has to admit, part of it because he has a certain someone who keep plastering himself like a leech, “I really hope you too, your flight is in tomorrow morning isn’t it?”

Sehun nods, before he makes any move to walk through the front door, he reaches into his pocket and pulls his spare key to Jongdae’s apartment, he almost forgot that part of Sehun came today was to give him this.

“Here hyung,” says Sehun, handed him the key and before he could even asked it, Jongdae pulls Sehun into warm big hug, knowing it too well that despite everything, Sehun has been trying to be a good boyfriend for him back then when they dated. Again, he heard sniffles from the body that he hugs and know instantly his ex was crying—again.

“You should stop seeing me if that’s only make you cry all the time, Sehun,” comments Jongdae.

“I can’t, I’m sorry… I’m really sorry hyung,” sniffle Sehun, hides his face completely on Jongdae shoulder “I hope the baby is healthy, I hope you’re happy all the time and he’ll treat you much better that I will ever be,”

Jongdae doesn’t know who this ‘ _he_ ’ that Sehun talking about (even if he has vague guessing) but he nods anyway.

They let go of each other eventually and Sehun attempt to swipes his tears streak from his face. Jongdae laugh mockingly at him and the moment was so light until it breaks completely with the sound of the doorbell from Jongdae’s front door and Sehun, before Jongdae could do it, opened the front door first and reveal a very deadly Baekhyun.

“He’s still here?” was voice that Baekhyun intends to hear for both parties.

“I… I was on my way on leaving…” stutters Sehun complete with Jongdae internally face palming, “Good bye, hyung,”

And with that Sehun gone completely from Jongdae’s apartment. The sound of his front door closed still linger uncomfortably in an apartment which now back with tension thick in the air. Because it's only left Jongdae with Baekhyun alone.

“Baek…” starts Jongdae but Baekhyun cuts his talking as soon as he opens his mouth.

“So now, what is your excuse?” asks Baekhyun coldly “that you feel sentimental so now you invite Sehun to your own apartment? Are you planned to fuck for last time after everyone’s left?”

Jongdae breath stuck in his throat.

“It’s not…” Jongdae tries again.

“HE CHEATS ON YOU!” roars Baekhyun, his expression thick with anger that he tries to suppress for hours during the event, “can you try to have more dignity to yourself? You let him come as he pleases to your life and come crying later when that asshole cheat on you again?”

“Baek…” stutters Jongdae, his mind in shock of Baekhyun rise in his voice, “I’m not, what are you talking about? I’m not back together with him,”

“So you just invite the bastard to our baby shower?” retort Baekhyun, completely mocked him, “are you out of your mind? Are you really that desperate that you will fuck him with my baby in it?”

Jongdae blinked at Baekhyun words. His mind short circuited not in the pleasant way of hearing accusation coming from Baekhyun. He doesn’t know if it’s because of his pregnancy or not, but the words from Baekhyun stings. Stings more because none of it was true.

He shouldn’t be reply to any of Baekhyun’s words, he knows he shouldn’t be. He had witnessed Baekhyun fury to people, people who teased Jongdae back in their elementary, Baekhyun who refuse to be touched by his ex-lovers, Baekhyun who punched Jongdae’s first ex right after Jongdae tell him the reason of their break up…

And how much it hurts him again right now, because now Jongdae can’t help to think of how lowly Baekhyun thoughts on him if he could throw that kind of accusation on him.

“That bastard at least never scream at me like what you did right now and never accuse me into doing anything,” says Jongdae, “you’re one to talk about me sleeping back with my ex while all you ever did was sleeping around to God’s knows how many people, if fucking is all you could ever say to me, aren’t you better to look at yourself first in the mirror?”

Baekhyun expression shows as he was just slapped on his face.

But it was not long anyway.

“And I remember you never once complain when I fuck you, ready to open your legs whenever you came to see me,” shot Baekhyun.

Now it was Jongdae who feels like he’s been slapped on.

“Why are you is so difficult, Dae?” says Baekhyun, his tone playful and even there’s smile on his face now, his usual smile that came whenever he wants to play with his prey first, before he punched them “what is your intention to all of this bullshit? You come at me one day begging to fuck and the next day you’re crying because of your ex. You drop this pregnancy shit on me, let me take care of you but I found that ex in the middle of your fucking room,”

Jongdae head starts to feel hazy. He step backwards to his room and Baekhyun keep steps forwards to reach him.

“You fucked me over and over with all of these,” Baekhyun keep approaching, vaguely gesture to their surroundings, “do you really enjoy seeing me miserable? Fuck!”

Baekhyun groaned and press hard the heel of his hands to his eyes, he just sound like he’s in pain.

“Baek… stop,” says Jongdae weakly, he feels his head start spinning.

“No, you fucking stop! You fucking stop doing whatever you’ve been doing is to me, all this time... after all this time, I just try to be whatever you need me, I try my hardest for you,” shouts Baekhyun “you can’t just go and steps on my feelings whenever you feels like it! You can’t… you can’t just makes me go fall deeper with you and ready to sacrifice my life in it, only you to ignore it until the very end! FUCK YOU KIM JONGDAE,”

“I SAID STOP!” screams Jongdae the same time he heard Baekhyun roars calling his name.

Both he and Baekhyun pants harder through their nostrils. He can’t look at Baekhyun, not now with sudden dizziness spread rapidly inside his head.

“And here you have no idea what kind of shit that I’ve been through for months,” says Baekhyun still continue their fighting anyway.

Again the better understanding in his mind, Jongdae know he shouldn’t be reply to Baekhyun’s emotion yet here he is.

“You can fuck off! I told you over and over again if you want to back off, you can do it, I’m not fucking press you into doing this” spits Jongdae “and you can run off to whoever you want to and I’m not going one to be blame if one day you ever regretted this with me, you can run with that girlfriend of yours,”

“What?” asks Baekhyun, suddenly lose all of the hostility that he had, “what bullshit again that you talking about?”

Baekhyun try to approach him but Jongdae’s mind already alarm. The wave of nausea and sudden sadness hit him full in his chest, flare of separation that he’s sure he will have later in life with Baekhyun.

“Stop, stop right there!” yells Jongdae.

“Jongdae, fucking calm down!”

“No, don’t touch me, I didn’t drag you into this, I fucking try to push you away from this, don’t fucking act like I didn’t give you choices,” screams Jongdae “don’t you try to act like you care when you will eventually leave as well!”

Baekhyun laughs at that. Deadly and with no humour at all.

“God, you’re so blind, I never believe when Chanyeol said you’re dumb, but you are!” wails Baekhyun “I can run, I can let you take this alone but I’m not, it’s because I love you!”

Jongdae body took a toll on him and none of Baekhyun or Jongdae ready for it, so in the span of haziness that clouded Jongdae’s mind and stress over his fights with Baekhyun, his body lose its balance and drop to the floor instantly. Jongdae’s vision also blurred in an instant and he feels wetness spread under his body. All of the fatigue, the drop in his heart rate also his mind trying to catch up for frantics sounds that heard instantly around him. He have Baekhyun’s hands on him but Jongdae’s hand try to push him weakly only realize he also starts losing his consciousness.

Jongdae remember pair of red rimmed eyes that he knows belong to Baekhyun and shocks that attach to his face when his hand reaches to sudden wetness under Jongdae was blood seeping out from him. Jongdae black out with Baekhyun’s distant voice try to call his name repeatedly.

***

Jongdae cries, if he’s not hours ago, he is very much now, hard and not enveloped by person that used to give him secure feeling, which is Baekhyun. He cries with Kyungsoo murmuring sweet words to him over and over again that his pregnancy indeed fine, the bleeding is not severe, and even if it took him by surprise to suffer sudden press on the high blood pressure that coming from Jongdae, his baby still manage to hold strongly and currently the baby’s blood pressure and heart beat already back to normal, like the one it should be just before his fighting with Baekhyun.

Baekhyun who is now currently waiting for him stubbornly outside of Jongdae hospital room, Jongdae doesn’t even care, he will never forgive Baekhyun if he loses the baby, and for now, he doesn’t even want to see Baekhyun’s face. He still sobbing to Kyungsoo’s chest and Kyungsoo just patiently pats the small part on his back. Cards his hair gently and whispering sweet nothings to his ear. The doctor said she doesn’t need to sedate him but the shock from his almost miscarriage of his third trimester will take some time to recover. His stomach hurt, his head hurt, his back hurt but more importantly Baekhyun’s word hurting him more. All of it.

He wants to trash something, probably thrown all of Baekhyun’s possessions from his apartment and if he dared to see Baekhyun’s face, he might throw the flower vase from his bedside table to Baekhyun. He really really _hates_ Baekhyun at this moment and he doesn’t know whether he will overcome it or not.

Jongdae’s cries himself to sleep and whispering, _“tell him to go, please, I hate him, I hate him so much,”_ repeatedly to Kyungsoo. He still faintly murmuring the words over and over again after he was so tired that cry himself to sleep.

***

Jongdae finally let Baekhyun come to his hospital room 48 hours from the time he was admitted to the hospital. Their last fight must be the worst fight that they could ever did and they were not even a couple. For the first time Jongdae feels scares to _this_ Baekhyun, maybe he was overestimate their bond as best friends, but Baekhyun never really try to hurt him at least not even verbally just like the last time they fight. Jongdae still feels sick to his stomach when he thought what he almost lost days ago even though it feels like months ago.

When Baekhyun step into his room, he himself looks like death and the hollow from his cheeks clearly shown. He looks wrecked.

Baekhyun sit on the nearest chair from Jongdae’s hospital bed and for once Jongdae doesn’t feel any ease seeps into his mind around Baekhyun’s presence. They have nothing to say to each other for quite some time. Until it’s Baekhyun decide to breach the silence anyway.

“High risk pregnancy is not always the same as _volatile_ uterus like the one you usually said to me, it doesn’t have side effects on organ failure or.. Or high risk miscarriage.. Or organ defects…” starts Baekhyun, voice hoarse and rough “you can’t just said that you pregnant with pretty much leaving _other_ important information behind, Jongdae,”

Jongdae turn his head away from Baekhyun.

“And not telling me that your pregnancy practically ten times worse than usual pregnancy because you have this high risk of miscarriage whenever and wherever you go,” Baekhyun whisper like he’s the one who’s in pained, his carefree aura left him practically from his body and his shoulder slouch forwards and he tries hard to keep himself grounded with even tone in heard in his voice “I almost lose Janeun, I almost lose you…. I… I could lose you and I don’t even realize it myself that it probably because of me…”

The sniffed sound starts to hear from Baekhyun.

“I… I love you so much, Dae, I never plan to confessing if having you as my best friend is enough for you, I just want you, all this time, I dated because I can’t be with the one I love, and it’s you, but we’re just…” Baekhyun sound broken and Jongdae still focusing his attention to see at his hospital window, “we’re just happily together, as best friend, fuck buddy, I don’t care, as long as you’re happy with me, I could pretty much try to be anything for you, but you’re just… you just put me high on hopes that one day, one day we could be together, have child, grow old together and you pushed me back, pulled me back to the ground and remind me, even with the child between us, I will never be more than your best friend, like I could never be your lovers, your family… your future…”

And Jongdae painfully aware that Baekhyun cries silently beside him from his voice alone. But Jongdae continue to refuse to look at Baekhyun anyway. His heart stings, his eyes also hurt for crying too much for the past days and he just doesn’t want to look at Baekhyun right now.

He doesn’t want to but he let Baekhyun talk to him without any burst of emotions between them, he also—at least owe Baekhyun that much. It’s not that Jongdae didn’t hear Baekhyun’s last confession, but with how many things that change between them in the span of 3 days, he’s lucky that his brain hasn’t been damaged yet.

Because from how he almost lost his baby back then, he was so close to losing Baekhyun altogether. He was so scared, even during how heartbroken he was throughout his life, people come and go from his life, through every relationship that he had, he always happens with Baekhyun in the end and never wants to lose Baekhyun _simply_ because he doesn’t want to. And he remembers how much pain that it caused from their last fight when Jongdae told Baekhyun to go and Baekhyun say _he loves him_.

“I just… I just want to make sure that do you really think it’ll never be possible for us to be together…” says Baekhyun who manages to pull him from his train of thoughts. Sadness thick in his voice “because if it’s that what you really thought… and wants…”

Baekhyun stops. He heard Baekhyun inhales slowly before continue his talking.

“I’ll… I’ll try to let you go, I guess why is my feeling could only grow for you because I never properly get real rejection coming from you and once you do it…”

Another stops.

“I’ll… I’ll make sure of myself to properly move on from you,” was what Baekhyun settle as his finishing sentence.

Jongdae feels his heart drop to his stomach, he never sure how deep Baekhyun loves him, at least not until now, it’s not that he is that dense, pretty much after their visit to Jongdae’s house weeks ago, he can properly put two and two together.

Baekhyun sudden clinginess, Baekhyun’s disdain to all the exes that he ever introduced to him, sudden flip of emotions whenever he thoughts Jongdae is pretty much just mentioned Sehun’s name…. But none of the reason explained Baekhyun did whatever he did back then justify the action that he did to Jongdae.

They almost lost their child, Jongdae almost lost his _first_ child. With his condition has been exposed, he knows it probably could take forever in order for him to get another child if he loses this one now. Jongdae closed his eyes in defeat before he goes and explaining everything.

“I never explained that to you because I believe you will encourage me to abort it immediately especially if one of the worst side effects is an organ defect forever on mine,” said Jongdae slowly and carefully, his voice not even better than Baekhyun, “I… I don’t know when will I have another chance to have child if I lose this one whether it’s because of the miscarriage or abortion, because if the side effect is the organ dysfunction, it also rendered me sterile on my other reproductive organs, so this was… clearly my only chance….”

Jongdae stops, inhale, exhale.

“And I don’t want you to know everything about it because I know you will very opposed to it, and tell me that I’m okay with or without children, because if I can’t have one, like physically I still can adopt it and you will be okay with any child that I want…” continues Jongdae “but… I also don’t want that, because it’s us, there is a part of you and me in him that maybe I will never find again later in my life, and I just instantly love him the first time I saw it through the monitor… I also want him because it’s you, Baek… and I never so close to lose myself when I realize I almost lose it because of you as well….”

Jongdae find he cries again for the nth time in three days.

He didn’t explicitly tell Baekhyun he loves him, but he did intend to do it implicitly. That it just not Baekhyun who is unsure and pretty much hold on tightly to whatever they have now and desperate to get the message across for the other parties. He brushed his tears hastily and he can’t, he just can’t have or trust his mind now to decide on the future of his relationship with Baekhyun at this time. Not when he was so close to losing it 72 hours ago not with he’s this close to see his baby in less than 2 months...

“I…. I care about you a lot Baek... probably from a long time, you’re important to me and I’m not saying this just because I’m pregnant with our child…” Jongdae adds after painfully long stretches silence between him and Baekhyun, “But I don’t know what’s inside your mind as well, whether I will be happy as a couple or not, whether I will just end up just like one of your ex—”

“You’re not,” cut Baekhyun still with rough voice.

“I’m… not?” parroted Jongdae.

“You’re not,” says Baekhyun solemnly, “you’re different,”

That success to pull Jongdae to turns his head from looking at the hospital window and look at Baekhyun again, just like he finally realize it for the first time. Then it hits him the expression he find himself couldn’t really understand that coming from Baekhyun—longing, sadness, affection, faithfulness and all of those above was gentle loving looking.

Jongdae’s mind just in time to flash the hurting memory of if he lose their child as well, he was never as much to look at Baekhyun twice and will possibly hurt both him and Baekhyun in process.

“Baek… I’m sorry, I can’t,” says Jongdae in a rush “I can’t think about this right now, I’m not, I’m not in my right mind right now please, let’s talk about this after he was born, I can’t think of anything but him right now…”

Jongdae saw flash of sadness and longing through Baekhyun’s eyes clearly. Now it shine brightly with unshed tears that has yet to slides down. Jongdae is scared for a moment his pleading will be ignored, but it’s not, Baekhyun didn’t do it anyway.

Baekhyun simply brushes any lingering tears that left in his eyes and just sniffs slightly before he nods in understanding. He tries to mask his emotions again but Jongdae couldn’t be more grateful for it. It’s not that Jongdae want Baekhyun to suffer, no, he just… need time to completely think about everything before he give any answer to Baekhyun. 

“So….” sniffs Baekhyun more, “do you want to eat something?”

***

One way after another, Jongdae found himself get the slow pace of life that he never knew he was capable of doing. His workloads lessen, Minseok only hugs him tight on his last day of work before he took his paternity leave. His ribs indeed getting hurt more, to the point where he no longer want do the prenatal yoga again, but he finds other ways to relax, like talking to your soon to be a child or laugh at the way his friends or Baekhyun send him a message from his workplace.

And contrary to everyone’s thoughts, after what he safe to call a _truce_ between him and Baekhyun, Jongdae finds himself more and more to be alone in the safe haven of his apartment, yet he doesn’t feel lonely. Jongdae tries to catch up on his favorite serials, anime and dramas and also listen to all the albums he failed to listen to because he tries to catch up on his health, his works, always discussing something with Baekhyun or just… in constant worries. He is always in a rush. But now, with space that he eventually got from Baekhyun, on leave from his offices, and his pregnancy also near to its due date, Jongdae finds himself much more relaxing than ever. He wondered why this didn’t cross his mind from months ago.

***

“Yeah?”

“You sound sleepy... did I wake you?”

“No,” Jongdae break into loud yawn “it’s okay, I’m up anyway,”

“I… I got some ideas for Janeun’s name...” said Baekhyun from the other line “can I come over?”

Jongdae hums. He hasn't showered yet because he’s too lazy to even make himself move from his bed. But when Baekhyun eventually came he needs to open the front door for him.

“...or I can just texts you over, it’s no big deal,” says Baekhyun, not even let Jongdae finish contemplating.

“It’s okay,” cut Jongdae easily “you can come, but I haven’t showered yet all day, don’t complain,”

Baekhyun breathy laughs heard immediately. “Like hell, I will complain about that…”

True to his words, Baekhyun doesn’t mentioned it when they met again in one hour later. Baekhyun just casually said he brought _Hoppang_ that has chocolate filling and scattered many papers about the name ideas for Janeun. Jongdae sat on his bed and listen to it, not really interesting but he knows Baekhyun already has a name in his mind and soon he will persuade Jongdae to use the name eventually. Jongdae doesn’t mind it, though. Only when it hit almost 9 PM, Baekhyun stretches from his position that sat in front of Jongdae and starts to gather his briefcase and fix his ties. He plans to leave.

“You’re not going to stay?” asks Jongdae when he realize, Baekhyun did want to go home.

Baekhyun turns his head to look at Jongdae, surprise expression clear in his face. “Ah yeah, you want to sleep right? I should go home as well before there’s no bus anymore…”

Jongdae looks at Baekhyun quietly.

“Stay,” says him finally after seconds silence between them.

“What?”

“Stay, I’m okay if you want to sleep here…”

Baekhyun sat slowly, back into his former position.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, and…” Jongdae bites his bottom lip, “my due date is nearing, I would feel better if there’s other people with me,”

Baekhyun looks at him fondly. He starts to undo his ties again and starts to open up his top button shirt, while chuckling. “Okay, so what do you think about we take a bath together because you stink?”

Jongdae throws his pillows to Baekhyun.

It was near the break of dawn where Jongdae was shaking to wake up by Baekhyun, who already wide awake with his bed hair still intact and a very panic but exciting expression pulls him out from his slumber.

“Dae! The Baby! Your water broke!, Come on, let’s go!” shouts Baekhyun, “you’re not dizzy right? Can you walk? I’ll look for a wheelchair if you can’t walk!”

Jongdae is _dizzy_ , thank you very much. But he still can walk and manage to go to the parking lot and ride the car with Baekhyun who settle behind the wheels and grab the wheels like he can break it anytime. Even his expression is tense and that expression feels foreign for Jongdae—well, he looks far way scarier expression coming from Baekhyun anyway.

“Can you drive slowly? I’m not going to faint… at least not in 30 minutes,” says Jongdae when he flinched at Baekhyun who drives that again—break the red lights.

“How can you joke at a time like this?!” was only Baekhyun hysteric response that Jongdae could remember. Well, he also feels adrenaline rush in his body and for once he welcomes the fogs and dizziness in his mind, knowing it’ll just another symptom before he finally gives birth and meets—his son. He knows he will be very weak to his son, godammit.

Everything seems very rushed and blurred in Jongdae’s vision. Since the start he had already been warned that his pregnancy will be at high risk, it leads to many bad scenarios during childbirth. It starts from Jongdae nearly losing his consciousness until nearly coded in the middle of the operation room when the blood that coming from him was too much—too much for his doctor and everyone’s liking. The lights from the operation room blind him and he cursing himself because he forgot to call his mother that his _due_ date arrives two weeks earlier. But he only can think about it internally because externally, he can’t talk about anything with _nasal cannula_ glued to his nostrils. Well, it could really hinder his talking, isn’t it?

Jongdae train of thoughts break when baby cries sound louder than any sound heard in the operation room. His eyes glance at Baekhyun in instinct and in _awe_ with the expression Baekhyun gave when the doctor gestured him to take a good look at their son. _Fuck_ , he was also want to cry as well hearing his son is healthy and there’s no damage or disorder with them. Jongdae finally let go of his consciousness and feel _vaguely_ safe when there’s a hand holding him firmly and never once let his hands go during his operation.

***

Jongdae looked at the key of his apartment carefully. The last time he gave it to all of his past lovers, the key will just eventually come back to him. He doesn’t like the idea, especially now, with his plan in his head that turns out the key will eventually come to him. No, he hates it. But since his last fight with Baekhyun and during their _truce_ times, not one moment he spends that he never thoughts the possibility of what he could have with Baekhyun. If Baekhyun decides to throws their friendship and brave enough to go for a relationship and even _confess_ to him, it was only fair if he also takes the same amount of bravery for their relationship as well. No matter how unsure the future brings to them.

“What? No mom, Daehyun still too young to travel, how about you guys just came here?” says Baekhyun completely destroy the silence that Jongdae has during his thinking, “what? Do you want a hotel room? You guys can sleep all you want in my room and I will sleep in the kitchen, I don’t care…”

Jongdae looks at Baekhyun when he stops his rambling to listen to whatever his mother speaking on the phone.

“OMG! Stop robbing your own son! I’ll sleep in the bathroom if I have to!” screams Baekhyun to his cellphone and proceeds to end the call after more push and pull conversation with his mother.

“I swear to God Baekbeom is so useless…” mutters Baekhyun after he safely put his phone back to his sweatpants pocket, “Ah, here you are, I don’t know what kind of spirit that possess Daehyun, but he finally sleeps,”

Baekhyun chuckled and proceeds to sit across from where Jongdae sitting in his dining room. He might complain since day one Daehyun born that he cries too much, but Jongdae knows he never once let Jongdae do everything by themselves, if he realizes Jongdae needs all the sleep that he wants, he’ll take care Daehyun no matter how long it takes. Baekhyun is losing so much sleep than Jongdae and at this point he’s afraid to ask what kind of substance that keep Baekhyun awake hopping from working full time still (despite doing it from home), take care of Daehyun, handling Jongdae’s apartment house chores and his own house chores back at his own apartment. He sometimes even take care of Jongdae more than necessary.

“Baek…” calls Jongdae carefully. Baekhyun stops scrolling his cell phone and looks at him, eyes gesturing _what_?

“Here,” Jongdae gives it to Baekhyun so fast that Baekhyun welp in the process to capture Jongdae’s apartment key.

“What”

“What?”

“You give me this,” says Baekhyun bewildered and show the key to Jongdae in surprise manner, “aren’t you only give this to…”

Baekhun stops. Jongdae stops as well and looks at Baekhyun with expectant looks he believes plastered clearly on his face. Jongdae is sure by now that Baekhyun know what he means by giving him the key. Only… Baekhyun's lack of reaction scare Jongdae and again his better judgment, Jongdae just realizes he might dying to ask Baekhyun as his boyfriend but he’s not considering the possibility of Baekhyun might already move on from him.

“I’m sorry, I thought you will…” Jongdae stops his talking when he sees from the corner of his eye that Baekhyun walking fast to his seat and cupped his face so he have nowhere to look at other than Baekhyun’s sharp gaze.

“Aren’t you supposed to say something first before asking me to be your boyfriend, Dae?” says Baekhyun, no bites from his talking but Jongdae understands. He is dying to say it back for a while now.

“I love you Byun Baekhyun,” says Jongdae without missing a beat, “I’m sorry if I look like I don’t, but….”

Baekhyun heated gaze still bore deeply into Jongdae’s face and here and there that Jongdae realize, there are many bad things that could happen between them, but one of the worst things that could happen if he never really try to fight for them and if one day, one of the uncertain future brings the worst from their relationship, Jongdae have nothing to regret because he tried, he already tried his hardest and there’s nothing need to regret about that.

“But I can’t help myself feeling scared, for the change that could happen between us, but I think, maybe if I could face it with you, with love that you have with me, that I might also have more courage to be together with you for a long time..” Jongdae talk cut by Baekhyun lips on his, kissing him passionately and with no further intention other than to relay his feelings for Jongdae, for him to tell him over and over again that he was so in love with Jongdae.

Jongdae just practically melt into the kiss.

“Are you crazy? I’m so in love with you for a long time that you have no idea, Dae!” says Baekhyun practically laughing maniacally “I can’t sleep a wink in the past months and I even pray to Jesus once,”

“ _Fuck_ , and you’re not even a Christians,” laughs Jongdae as well, lean himself to Baekhyun and enjoy the way Baekhyun’s hands on his face, stroking him gently and just all over him.

Baekhyun kisses him again and this time, he let Baekhyun hoist him up and Jongdae’s hand snake around Baekhyun’s neck automatically enjoying the warmth from Baekhyun that he always have for him. _Only_ for him. And if he feels a little bit selfish, he already feels the possessive feeling that spread slowly inside him now with the realization that Baekhyun now is his.

*** 

Months later, exactly marks 6 months from when Daehyun born, Jongdae moves into new apartments that Baekhyun set up for him without his knowing. Turns out, the girl's voice that Jongdae listen the first time he heard it from Baekhyun’s call was the realtor that he’s been in contact for months to set up the apartment to fit on Jongdae’s standard. It’s sweet, Jongdae kisses him the first time Bekhyun ever mentioned it after he survives glares from Jongdae of course.

Baekhyun also asks him to resign from his current workplace, since the environment quite toxic and Baekhyun could swear even if the money is good, the shame that Jongdae got from his coworkers just because Jongdae tries to do his jobs was not worth any penny at all.

Jongdae agreed though, but he painfully aware that Minseok hyung will cry if he heard as much as Jongdae’s plan to resign. It's a nice gesture and input from Baekhyun, but he needs to think about it more carefully, especially now with Baekhyun’s hard work starts to pay off little, he has been promoted into a higher position so if Jongdae decide to move to Baekhyun’s workplace he will eventually come as part of Baekhyun’s connection. And not that he doesn’t want it he feels _oddly_ proud that Baekhyun will recommend him to his current workplace, but the thought of Baekhyun’s whole department knows him as Baekhyun’s partner was kind of… make his self-consciousness. But Baekhyun doesn’t press him though, he knows that if Jongdae couldn’t take it anymore, he can move whenever he wants to Baekhyun’s workplace.

“Just say when Dae, I’ll notice the HR team to arrange an interview for you,” says Baekhyun while carefully set their dining table with cutlery complementing the plates that have been set before by Jongdae.

“Try to use your influence for Jongdae now, Baek? Your love sure really dark sometimes,” comments Chanyeol who has been watching Jongdae and Baekhyun banter for a while. The couple has been recently come more often since Kyungsoo starts babysit Daehyun in random times especially now with Jongdae recently back to his work again. Kyungsoo work mostly from home so as a complete package, Chanyeol will also come and glued to his side.

“It’s called pull some strings, Chanyeol,” defense Baekhyun, “And don’t tell me you don’t do the same for Kyungsoo,”

“To be fair I don’t need to do anything since everyone in publishers is dying for Kyungsoo to sign contracts with them,” retort Chanyeol easily “so, really, I don’t press Kyungsoo to do anything,”

“How can Soo manage to take care of the cafe and write a book as well? Now he also could babysit Daehyun perfectly, is he, I don’t know… perfection?” asks Jongdae absentmindedly when he realize not after 10 minutes Kyungsoo dash to Daehyun's nursery when he starts throwing his tantrum, the poor kid already calm enough and now probably on the verge of sleeping. “I swear he could pass as baby whisperer,”

Baekhyun gagged at Chanyeol obvious smug pride expression on his face. As if he was saying: _that’s my baby_.

“Stop talking as if I’m not around,” cuts Kyungsoo, drag his chair and neatly sit himself on it, when he realized the food that serves quite a lot for everyone in the table—as if this was a feast—Kyungsoo rise both his eyebrows, asking silently to the couple in front of him what they celebrating with all of the food on the table, “So? Do you guys have some big news to share or what?”

Jongdae blushed. He has no idea why he agrees with Baekhyun on this, but still, maybe he just whipped and he doesn’t even realize it for a long time.

“Well, as you guys know, the love of my life here….” starts Baekhyun, now he is the one who has smug expression plastered on his face, “as you guys all know how Jongdae has been so brave during his pregnancy with Daehyun, and because the last time I know about his pregnancy the last between us…”

Jongdae slapped him on his shoulder, “you sure will never let it go, huh?”

“Nope, never ever ever,” shots Baekhyun childishly “I hereby notify you, mortals, that Jongdae now already a month old expecting our second child!”

“What the…” Kyungsoo starts but his mumbles cut short by a loud groan from his boyfriend ( _shit, not again_ ).

Well, to be fair Jongdae also groaned so loud the first time he looked at his test pack (and that’s how Baekhyun knew, because he thought Jongdae slipped in their bathroom only realize it was not the issue until he saw the test pack was lying around on the bathroom floor) when he realizes that he is pregnant…. _Again_.

Yeah, thanks to Baekhyun and his _super_ sperm apparently.

***********************************************

**Author's Note:**

> First, if you guys able to read the notes in the end, I just want to say thank youuuu! For everyone who read this story until the end and I just want to say, thank you again, and you're the real MVP here. I just want to say, despite the inaccuracies of medical terms a lot in here, the test, the high risk pregnancy that I refer to is real, I just doesn't specify it to which one, but then again, please don't quote anything in here as real source knowledge because this is just a fic guys! 
> 
> Second and last but not least, I love Baekchen for so long so to be able finish my baekchen stories here (even postpone my chansoo story, sorry!) indeed was my guilty pleasure. I always sucker for the friendship style story I guess, ha! And if everyone feels familiar with the tittle, yess, it's name by one of IU song that Jongdae covered, the song name is "Through the Night" .
> 
> P.S: I imagine Baekhyun's feeling through the story when I listen to this song, sorry if it's not properly cross, but at least I try, I hope it will get better in the future!
> 
> P.P.S: English still not my first language but please have some mercy on it! Anw any feedbacks are welcome!!!!!


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